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[IPk] Names you call your blood testing machine

Hello fellow pumpers,
	I am on the Harrogate / Bournemouth diesetronic pump trial which dictates
that I must blood test four times daily. This is fair enough as it allows
accurate pump assessment and improves control. The down side being the
attrition of your fingers. I cycle through all of them and some are getting
pretty war-torn after ~ a year of x4 daily trailing. 

	Hence I come to the "One Touch" Profile blood glucose monitor, an ironic
name if I ever heard one. I impale my battered finger again and attempt to
milk out a blood sample. "There's enough surely, it seems a pretty big drop
to me". I apply the said drop and cover the central bit of the pad.
Counting down 45 secs.... the drop spreads out looking reasonable.....30
secs it's being absorbed into the pad....15 secs the drop is looking a bit
thin now....3 secs the tension is getting to me..... and the result
is....NOT ENOUGH BLOOD ! "You f***ing b***ard machine there's loads of
blood !!!!! Just look at it, there's loads. I'm sure of it. You electronic
XX###$$$*** !!!!! I'm going to have to do this all over again !"
	Other solutions or suggestions of more colourful phrasiology would be

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