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Re: [IPk] Channel 4 documentary



I watched the documentary and have to admit (for the first time to anyone 
 outside my family) that I too had the same eating disorder...I think diabetes
UK
refer to it as midmed syndrome.  I used it as a tool for weight loss but the 
reasons for needing this (which I felt I did) went much deeper.  I was 
 diagnosed type one at the age of 9 and have always had terrible control.
Despite
 mine, my familys and my doctors best efforts my control has always been
brittle.
I often felt that though I had tried so hard to make things work they had gone 
wrong regardless.  I would put on weight due to haveing six to ten hypos a 
 day some days...a week later with minimal adjustment my BGs would be sky high.
Some days I would rollercoaster between excessive highs and lows which would 
leave me incapable of doing anything.  For me, at the age of 19 I had had 
 enough. I believe from what I have read that that was a late age for the
disorder
to develop but develop it did.  I would eat little, not inject, drink coke to 
keep me going, binge, throw up...I was a mess and this went on for a long 
 time...nearly two years during which time I had three incidences of being
admitted
for Ketoacidosis, including spending time in high dependancy units and very 
nearly loosing my life.  The sad thing was that for me the control was only 
 slightly more damaging whilst suffering from the eating disorder than it had
been
before hand.  I suppose I used the eating disorder as a wierd form of control 
in a way.  I had tried so hard to succeed for ten years and nothing had come 
of it that for all intents and purposes I had given up.  If I couldn't get it 
right despite all I and my care team had done I felt there was very little 
hope.  I enjoyed the fact that I also lost weight as I already had a low self 
image.  What stopped things for me was when my father passed away and I didn't 
want to put my family through another death...which was the way I was heading.
I think there is a certain mentality that leads someone to having an eating 
 disorder. I had that mentality but I also had diabetes which made matters much
more dangerous.  For me it was never about rebelion it was more about 
 dispondency. I'd had enough. The effort and disapointment wasn't worth it any
more.
 I think the thing to realise though is that the reasons are different for 
 everyone as we are all individuals....but they are not easy to understand
unless
you are in that position.  I was very nearly that young girl in the 
 documentary but I was lucky enough not to suffer any side effects at the time.
For the
record I have been 16years without good control now.  Last year I was 
 diagnosed with Retinopathy and had some serious sessions of laser. At the
moment my
eye sight is fine and I am being refered to the royal liverpool hospital in 
 the hope that I might be able to gain control with the use of an insulin pump.
At present I can inject anywhere up to 7 times a day but still my control is 
irratic.  My partner and I want to start a family but at the moment it is out 
of the question.  I just thought it may help people understand what it may be 
like from someone who has been there and done that...much to their own 
disapointment in themselves!
Sophie

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