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Re: [IPk] Exam Stress/ management



Hi Di,

I haven't read the book but read an extensive interview with Amy Chua
about the book.

I am the mother of 4 children, 3 of whom went through intensely
contrary phases when they were in various ways at odds with the
educational system during their secondary schooling (no longer in the
UK at that stage - 2 in the US and 2 in Israel), and although we
remained very close to them throughout, they resisted our attempts to
set them on smoother paths and help them fulfil their potential. Yet
despite this unfavourable start, they have surprised us by all
emerging in their own way, with assorted changes of plan en route,
into paths of academic excellence - 3 have MA's and are on their way
to PhD's and the youngest is about to start an MA, and they all have
gathered considerable work experience on the way, and are combining
work with studies now. The standard recommended path to academic
excellence and acceptance into top institutions is indeed straight and
narrow and highly demanding, now more than ever - as a child and young
person I never imagined there was any other path, my children have
shown me otherwise - it has been highly educational to watch, though
very painful at times, both for them and for us. And 3 of them have
also revealed, as I did years ago, that their lifetime dreams and
aspirations were not in fact what they really wanted to do once they
got there - only one of my children has stuck to the same ambition
throughout.

And all this relates to type 1 diabetes inasmuch as it relates to the
very difficult and sensitive issue of parenting, levels of parenting
involvement, how much and when intense involvement helps and indeed
may be literally lifesaving, and when it can rebound horribly - as a
parent, you just have to hope that your intuition and sensitivity will
guide you.

Nanette

On 30 April 2011 22:25, Diana Maynard <email @ redacted> wrote:
> Hi Nanette
> I think you make some very good points - as a parent people do typically
> feel very different about diabetes management. And the kind of environment
> you grow up in has a big impact too. I grew up with teachers for parents
> (and grandparents) and a father who's a type 1 diabetic, and they'd never
> have dreamt of asking for any kind of special permission for me in exams and
> so on. I know that if I had children, I wouldn't want any special treatment
> for them either. But I - and my parents - have always been of the mentality
> of letting children find things out for themselves, break bones by falling
> out of trees, find out for themselves what happens if you forget your
> insulin or glucose on a day trip rather than be constantly reminded, and so
> on. My first ever hypo was on a Sunday walk about a week after diagnosis. My
> parents had stressed that I should never go anywhere without glucose
> tablets, but I had forgotten. I soon found out what a hypo felt like. Of
> course being diabetic my dad had some on him, but he didn't give them to me
> until I was sufficiently groggy to appreciate my mistake! We were made to
> leave home as soon as we finished school at 18, and find our own feet in the
> world, even if we had no job and no money. Similarly I managed my own
> diabetes from the word go at age 7 - with a bit of help from my mum in carb
> counting for the first few months. So my attitude to diabetes - as well as
> life - is one of standing on your own two feet, and it's how I would raise
> children if I had them. I have lots of friends with similar attitudes. But I
> think it's also very typical to treat your diabetic child differently from
> the way you treat your own diabetes and to ask for all the help you can get.
> Just as everyone has different parenting skills and different opinions about
> how to raise your children (read Amy Chua's book Battle Hymn of the Tiger
> Mother for a very enlightening account of one person's method!). None are
> necessarily right or wrong. But just as it's worth reading Amy Chua's book,
> even if you don't agree with her methods, I think it's worth discussing
> these issues with respect to diabetes.
>
> Di
>
> On 30/04/2011 19:59, Nanette Freedman wrote:
>>
>> Hi Di, Karen and others,
>>
>> I think this issue raises a lot fo different and very important points
>> - and is not about people being critical of others on the list, but of
>> the diverse attitudes and stances which people with diabetes or other
>> long term health issues and their nearest and dearest may feel - not
>> only is each person different, but in the course of years of dealing
>> with health issues under different circumstances and at different
>> times in one's life, the same individual may take different positions.
>>
>> I myself took more than 3 years to finish my PhD long before I had
>> type 1 diabetes - my first child was born during the third year of my
>> PhD, but in retrospect my slowness was almost certainly related more
>> to my having ADD (which was not talked about at all at that time) than
>> to pregnancy and childbirth - at the time the extension was requested
>> and granted due to the illness and subsequent death of one of my 2
>> supervisors (in the fact the one who was only peripherally involved,
>> so though very sad, his absence did not really affect things for me).
>> And now I try never to ask for any sort of special allowances because
>> I have type 1 diabetes. But I am aware that if one of my children had
>> type 1 diabetes I would certainly have wanted to ask for special
>> allowances for him or her. Is this logical?? probably not - but as a
>> caring mother I would have felt it justified and appropriate to ask -
>> whether my children would have wanted this is another matter. In
>> general I have thought often how much harder and more worrying and
>> agonzing it would be to watch one of my children dealing with type 1
>> DM than to deal with it myself, and anyone who is a parent of a child
>> with type 1 diabetes has my greatest respect.
>>
>> Nanette
>
> .
.
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