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[IPr] FW: [IP] anger and doctors -- a project



Dear friends --

At George Lovelace's suggestion that a current thread on the IP list might
be useful here, I'm copying some posts that I've sent to that list,
beginning with this one.  There will be several others following.  Others
will probably be forwarding their posts as well.  I've not asked permission
to copy other's posts, so I'll just send what I've written.

Jim Handsfield
mailto:email @ redacted OR
mailto:email @ redacted

The opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily represent those of
my wife who runs this house and makes more important decisions than I do.


> -----Original Message-----
> From: Handsfield, James H. [mailto:email @ redacted]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 20, 2000 10:24 AM
> To: 'email @ redacted'
> Subject: RE: [IP] anger and doctors -- a project
> 
> 
> Lindsey [mailto:email @ redacted] wrote:
> 
> > There is anger towards doctors from diabetics all over the 
> > world, 
> 
> etc.
> 
> I'm going to put on a different hat, here.  I am a trained spiritual
> director, and it's that mode that I'm entering here.
> 
> There is a lot of anger about diabetes, period.  I think one 
> of the biggest
> sins of omission on the part of physicians, etc., is the failure to
> recognize the grieving process when one is diagnosed.  Part 
> of the initial
> undertaking should, IMNSHO*, should include some minimum 
> number of sessions
> with a counselor/therapist to help move through the process.  
> 
> Certainly, there are some physicians practicing endocrinology who have
> little interest or ability to understand all that we have to 
> deal with.
> It's important to remember that while the trend is to develop 
> the patient to
> be the lead player in the control of the disease, not all 
> physicians buy in
> to that mode.  Medicine is a field in which there can be a lot of NIH
> attitude (NIH = Not Invented Here).
> 
> Having said that, and recognizing that some doctors deserve 
> our anger, I
> suspect that most of the time, that anger is being projected onto the
> doctor, but the anger is really at the diabetes itself, at 
> our parents who
> passed it on to us, at God, or at just about anything that 
> will enable us to
> *blame* someone for our condition.  The final stage in grieving is
> acceptance . . . that we have the disease and it's something 
> we have to live
> with; that it isn't anyone's "fault"; that it *can* be an 
> opportunity to
> grow; that it doesn't have to be terminal; etc., etc.
> 
> For myself, I've had to bounce around a little to pass 
> through the process .
> . . and in some ways I still do.  Initially, I took about an 
> hour to go
> through all four stages of grieving, but I was strongly 
> motivated.  Two
> months before I was diagnosed, a kindergarten classmate of 
> Matthew's (my
> son) lost his father in a one car accident.  The school 
> handled it well,
> telling the children what had happened, and that when he 
> returned, Brenden
> would likely have times when he would just sit by himself, or 
> might start
> crying for no apparent reason . . . and all of these things 
> did happen.  The
> children were told that it was OK to talk about it *IF 
> BRENDEN BROUGHT IT
> UP*, but not to ask him about it before then.  
> 
> Then one night, Matthew asked me when I was going to die.  I answered
> honestly, that no one really knows when they will die.  But I 
> also told him
> that I would do everything in *my* power to be around for him 
> for a long
> time.
> 
> Then, the day before Thanksgiving, 1997, I was diagnosed with type 2
> diabetes (later changed to type 1, but that's another story). 
>  That was the
> kick in the ass I needed to embrace the discipline to do what 
> I had told
> Matthew I would do.
> 
> Since then, there have been times when I've realized (after the fact,
> unfortunately) that the anger I was expressing at someone was 
> really anger
> and frustration at this damned disease.  As soon as I think I have
> everything figured out, my body decides to do something 
> different, and I
> seem to have to start over again.  But I am committed to do 
> everything I can
> to die *with* diabetes, not *of* it . . . and not for a long, 
> long time.
> 
> Now stepping down from the pulpit . . . 8-)
> 
> Jim Handsfield
> mailto:email @ redacted OR
> mailto:email @ redacted
> 
> *IMNSHO = In My Not So Humble Opinion
> 
> The opinions expressed are my own and do not necessarily 
> represent those of
> my wife who runs this house and makes more important 
> decisions than I do.
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