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[IP] kindness

This is a subject that has come up before and I have seen totally opposite
responses on the site.
I once asked about dealing with the attitudes that a teen can pop up with on
the spur of the moment and how to handle the BG swings that can go with the

The greater consensus I received at that time from the members of this group
was to determine if her BGs were ok first. Then deal with the attitude
appropriately. i.e. If BGs were out of whack, cut her some slack and help her
realize her behavior was out of line but due to the BGs and to try and handle
the BG problem. If the BGs were fine....well Saturday night just became home
alone with mom and dad. Basically the final analysis was base my response to
her BGs.

Fast forward to the currant pos and many others I have seen with similar
sentiments. Even if we see a close family member whose demeanor is way off
base from their norm we are not supposed to ask if they are ok or if their BG
could be high? How am I supposed to parent like that? If I comment on the
grouchy attitude and her BGs are high then I am treating her badly and
unfairly. But I do not know the BG is high because I should not ask her to
check her BGs because it is insulting to the diabetic to do this. If the BGs
are ok and I let her get away with rude behavior then I am not doing her any
favors as a parent. But, how am I to know if the behavior is a result from a
high BG or just the usual 16 year old socially unacceptable behavior if I do
not ask her to check her BG? But if I ask her to check her BG I am being rude
to her.
This is a perplexing problem for caregivers on this site.
Talk about stuck between a rock and a hard place. Being grouchy and rude is a
prime behavior for Sara's high BGs. If I ask her to check when she behaves
this way I am mean to her. If I ignore it I could be ignoring a high BG that
is dangerous, plus I am afraid I am helping her develop bad habits.
So, could we answer this question without snapping at each other and really
offer constructive debate on how to combine a desire to be helpful and caring
without being insulting to the diabetic.
Oh, and please do not toss the "you are not diabetic" card out there.
I know my child has this illness and I do not. I know I cannot walk in her, or
any of your shoes, no matter how much I wish it were so. I realize this every
day, no need to remind me that between the two of us she got the fuzzy end of
the lollipop.
I am really interested in a friendly, helpful gab session so I can do the best
thing for Sara.

Sara is also having a tough time right now. Last year she was the poster child
for "teen Diabetic has the right stuff." This year....she is down, way down.
She is tired of being tied to the pump and the beeps on her pump drive her
crazy, tired of endless BG checks, tired of BG swings that come from no where
but make her feel rotten, tired of sticks and pokes and counting carbs and
everything. She is plain miserable and really hating diabetes. I am not sure
if she does not hate her body also at this time. To top it off her sister and
best friend left for college...that was also her driver for the past
year...much better than mom or dad.
I am hoping that once competitive swim season starts and she can beat the swim
suit off the competition she will feel better about things. But that does not
happen until the end of November. I have got to help her through the next two
months. Any suggestions from anyone here who has felt the way Sara does now?
Pam, mom to Sara, 16
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