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[IP] Re: contradictions, or is it really that bad

i think the ultimate reason why i don't think diabetes is "that bad" is because, having lived with
it for ten years and (having seen the start of complications now, at age 21), i have stopped
thinking that life somehow owes me something. i don't know where the idea came from where we think
that everyone gets a blank check that says happy childhood, prosperous life, perfect health,
happiness, and grandchildren; if i thought i was guaranteed to get all these, then i would be
angry that diabetes could take them away from me. but there are plenty of things besides diabetes
that can do that, and no one can guarantee that i'm not going to live to be 90. when you approach
your life without thinking that life owes you something, then everything is a gift. in that sense
it is *easier* to be thankful-- you don't always have the sense that you are beig cheated of
something. perhaps it is time to trash this notion we have in our heads of "what might have been
without diabetes"-- the point is, you have it now, t'ain't nothin' you can do about it, and you
have to make the best of it. but then again maybe i am just too young to think otherwise...

as for parents, i'm definitely not saying that you're not allowed to feel pain. but i have spent
ten years trying to convince people that love me that it does not help me when they create more
pain for themselves to carry. i have a cross to bear--help me carry it, but don't chop down a tree
and build one for yourself too. i *don't* know what it is like to be a parent of a diabetic. but i
promise i won't torture myself with the thought of how awful it is to be a D's parent, as long as
you try not to torture yourself with how awful it is to be a diabetic; somehow, i and 16 million
other americans manage to miserably creep along, and maybe even somehow be happy a little...  

i DO have major problems with this predilection people have for one-up-manship of problems. for
those who feel the need to proclaim that their life with diabetes is REALLY REALLY bad, all right,
i concede. enough is enough; you win the sucky life contest. *i* intend, however, to continue to
be as happy and thankful as i can, despite my D and despite my complications. i think if you live
a life completely free of adversity, you can't appreciate as well what true happiness is.

but again, maybe i am just too young to think otherwise; i yield the floor gladly to people like
barbara, who's had it for 47 years. you have my utmost respect.

it's funny-- i can't even say i'm "tired" of having diabetes now. i've been tired of it plenty of
times before, but i think now i take the attitude (mostly since i got the pump) that i am just
about as tired of taking care of my diabetes as i am tired of breathing. i like to feel good.
bring on the needles!!

 i read these anguished emails from parents and think, boy we diabetics are a pain to live with
aren't we? and that is not something any child should ever have to think, but it's true, we really
are. in that sense i am glad this list is here, so that people can dump their anguish on people
who are going through the same thing and not on the people that they live with. so i am going back
on everything i just said-- LIES, ALL LIES!! one-up each others' problems all nite long; let the
sucky life contests go on! that is what the IP list is here for. complain here lots. complain here
PLEASE. and i will do my best to support and sympathize with you, because you too have a tough
(though different) row to hoe. just try not to paint all optimists as cock-eyed idiots; those who
see the final product are often not aware of the trials the smilers have gone through. jacqui
hall, i salute you. i'll shut up now.

becky =) (dx'd 1/24/92 at age ten, pumping since 11/21/01)

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