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[IP] Re: Contradictions, or...is it really that bad?

     I hate diabetes. That's all there is to it.  I've accepted it
because I have no choice and living in denial (which I've done) will
eventually lead to death but I still hate having this disease.  I was
diagnosed at the age of 19,  I'm now 23, and lived on the diabetic
(torture)diet for a year until I got myself together enough to start
MDI.  It took me 3 long years to get an insulin pump which has made life
with diabetes as normal as it can get. But I still hate diabetes. Before
diagnosis, I was on the Dean's list in university. I had my future all
planned out. I had a large group of friends. After diagnosis, my grades
plummetted, my future is completely up in the air, and I've lost close
friends because of this disease.  I'm now in my 6th year of trying to
complete a 4-year degree.  I worry everyday about being able to afford
medications and food. I struggle with depression which had never affected
me before diagnosis! . And I spend everyday dreading the finger pokes and
those BS results that never seem to be in a good range.  All because of
this cursed disease.
     Yet, I still consider myself an optimist. I expect a cure in my
lifetime. I work 2 jobs and go to school telling myself that I will make
it. It bothers me when people think the shots and the blood testing are
what makes diabetes unbearable. It is the lack of control you have, the
lack of understanding in so many forms, and the terror of never knowing
what the next day will bring.
     I don't think the age of diagnosis makes a difference in how much
diabetes affects you. It just affects you in different ways. I also think
that it is much harder on the caregivers of those with diabetes than
those who have diabetes.  I know that it would tear me apart if one of my
sisters was diagnosed and that it would be much harder to deal with. I
applaud all of the parents out ther! e who provide support to us
diabetics. You are the ones who have taught us to be strong and cope.  
    So, even though I could probably write a novel on this subject (and
maybe someday I will), this is a brief sypnosis on how I feel about my
Sara M.



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