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Re: [IP] Re: Contradictions or is it really that bad

When I was diagnosed at 14, I was so upset. I was asking God, why me?? Then
after spending two weeks in the children's hospital, I saw children that
couldn't walk, that had months to live, that had no hair due to chemotheropy
and I thought well I am going to have to live with this most likely for the
rest of my life but at least I could think about the rest of my life and not
think about having something like 6 months to live or not being able to walk
again. I would much rather be diagnosed with diabetes then with cancer or
something worse. I still hate having to deal with diabetes everyday
(especially now that I am pregnant) and we have to control how well we live
our lives and how long we live more so then others but I figured if I stayed
mad all the time, life would be so much worse and so would my diabetes so I
learned to deal with it, life goes on. In saying that though, if someone came
up to me and said here's you chance of living a normal life again, no more
diabetes, no more strings attached, I would take that chance.

Jacqueline Hall

----- Original Message -----
From: email @ redacted
Sent: Wednesday, September 25, 2002 11:39 AM
To: email @ redacted
Subject: [IP] Re: Contradictions or is it really that bad

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This thread is one of the more interesting to me in a long time. I was
diagnosed at 21, my third year in college. Even though I had lived my whole
childhood as "normal," I have difficulty remembering life without diabetes. I
don't remember what it was like to just eat or not eat when I wanted. I know
that when I was diagnosed I adjusted really well because I basically ate
healthy and was usually a three-meal-a-day person anyway. I accepted and
adjusted. I didn't have the denial or anger stage. I just worked hard to be
the perfect patient. And I was for several years.
Like Ryan, I would always get the question "don't you hate having to take
shots?" I never hated the shots. But over time, I realized I hated the
schedule. I hated that I began hesitating to exercise because of the lows.
All of it happened so gradually that it took me a while to realize I hated
It affected my job as a newspaper reporter. For a long time, I would be all
too willing to go against my schedule for shots/meals for the sake of work. I
had always been open about having diabetes, but my supervisers didn't really
know what that meant. That skipping meals and working overtime with no break
for a shot/dinner was a bad thing. When I finally started to tell them and
say no, they still didn't understand. I was passed over for a promotion
because of it. I found a new job and went back to the habits of working and
foresaking my schedule. I became depressed and my A1c creeped up. I finally
quit my job, went on the pump and I now work as a waitress and a freelance
writer. My health and psyche are better, but I resent how diabetes affected
my professional life. I still wonder if I would have kept my job if I got my
pump sooner *sigh*
Despite that, I still identify more with Ryan and others who feel diabetes is
just a part of them and doesn't have to be horrible. Sometimes when I think
about how tough having children will be or the risk of complications despite
my control being good for the vast majority of the last decade, I get pretty
down. But that's not often.
I think my life would have been better in some ways if I didn't have
diabetes. Well, more adventurous is probably a better word. Before diabetes,
I was on track to be a very adventurous and outdoors type person. I went on
lots of trips in high school, river rafting, backpacking, etc. If I were
diabetic in high school, I don't know if I would have done those things. But
I'm learning to have more courage to do things now. I've been kind of afraid
to go on a backpacking trip and I think I'll make that my next challenge.
My attitude regarding my disease's affect on my professional life is turning
around a bit. I've even been incorporating the two! Look for my name on the
cover story of the November issue of Diabetes Interview.
And in the last year, my life in general has been better because of diabetes
too. I would never have run the Kona Marathon as part of Team Diabetes if I
didn't have the disease.
Sorry this got so long.
I guess that's my dollar's worth!! :-)
dxed T1 9/92, pumping since 1/02

In a message dated 9/25/02 11:54:16 AM, email @ redacted writes:

<< So far, from the responses I've seen, it seems that getting Diabetes as
a child is much better.  :-)  The responses from those WITH diabetes,
and diagnosed early, seem to not see much of a big deal...whereas those
who were older when diagnosed have the bigger problem adjusting and
accepting it. >>
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