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Re: [IP] I'm a bad Mommy!

> I asked my husband about it today and he said I was definitely stumbling and barely
> on my feet and that I was yelling at the baby.  I remember it as me doing fine with
> my balance and not yelling. This makes me feel horrible. He said he baby was crying
> and looking to him like "What's wrong with Mommy???" He's sixteen months old and he
> has seen me like this several times. I try to work on my basals and I do test
> often, but it just seems like sometimes I get ambushed by a hypo that I don't see
> coming.
> This morning I just hugged him tight and told him I was sorry.  He smiled at me and
> then went back to tearing up a Kleenex. I hope that I won't disappoint him too much
> as he grows up. I want to be a good Mom and I feel horrible that I seem to be mean
> to him when I am low.

	While my mom  doesn't have diabetes, she does have some impressive
mood swings.  I lived with them for years, and they certainly got better
as she learned how better to deal with them.  But also, any time she could
/tell/ me there was something wrong, either while it was going on, or
apologizing after, it made a huge difference to me.
	Knowing that your parents are human, and they have bad days, and
medical problems and worries and concerns all of which affect their moods,
is a reality for all children, over the years my mother has included me
more and more in what is going on in her life (I'm 25 now, and my mom and
I have a wonderful relationship!)  but I do remember when I was young,
finding out from my dad that my mom was upset about something completely
independent of me (a doctor's appointment, or work, etc.) when I had been
sure it was /my/ fault that she was angry.
	I can't imagine that you're a "bad Mommy" if you're concerned
about your son's reactions to your moods when low.  And you did a
wonderful thing to apologize to him when you could.  Even if he can't
really understand now, as he gets older it will make a huge difference,
and heck, if he follows your example, maybe he'll apologize to you when he
has those infamous "adolescent mood swings" (yeah, right!)

dx'd 3/89
pumping 10/99

Jessica Marder
email @ redacted
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