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Re: [IP] my tragic lancet story
- To: email @ redacted
- Subject: Re: [IP] my tragic lancet story
- From: Kay Guy <email @ redacted>
- Date: Mon, 02 Sep 2002 11:43:01 -0700
- Reply-To: email @ redacted
- User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Macintosh; U; PPC; en-US; rv:0.9.4.1) Gecko/20020508 Netscape6/6.2.3
Thanks for the smile. I have several friends who will appreciate this.
Rebecca C. Williams wrote:
>so i was changing my infusion set yesterday and decided well, it's been a couple of months so i
>should probably change my lancet, too, seeing as it was getting somewhat encrusted with dried
>blood, pieces of finger, and small scavenger animals. i uncap the finger gun, use the little fun
>ejection seat to shoot the lancet into the (full) garbage can, and look in my desk drawer to get a
>...and the box of lancets is empty.
>but being a diabetic means there are always lancets floating around in unwanted places, right? i
>mean when you're not looking for them you step on them in the bathroom, dig them out from behind
>the stove in the kitchen, shake them out from the last clean bra in your undie drawer, so you'd
>think i would be able to find one in the nearest personal crevasse, right?
>when you need a lancet, your brain sends out an infrared beacon which is detectable by your common
>domestic lancet (Lancetus pokeatus) and which warns all lancets in a three-mile radius that you
>are approaching with a fingerful of sugar-laden blood. immediately all specimens of L. pokeatus
>send out a pheromone signal to alert all L. pokeati in the area and tell them to hide. L. pokeati
>then synchronize a powerful photon beam to immediately transport their pokeati brethren into a
>parallel dimension, thus rendering them undetectable to even the most sophisticated american spy
>technology. the specimens of L. pokeatus in the area apparently engaged this escape mechanism
>approximately three seconds before i began my lancet-driven search, and approximately five minutes
>after i last punctured my foot on an errant predator lancet. it was by now 6pm. i had a meeting to
>preside over at 6:15, and i needed to know whether or not i would eat the floor in the midst of
>it. the situation looked desperate.
>so i upturned the trash can onto the floor to look for the old lancet.
>though this specimen of L. pokeati was weakened by long years of service in my fingergun, it
>nevertheless had enough strength to cloak itself for a good ten minutes while i dug through bank
>receipts, packing peanuts, and month-old unpaid parking tickets. when it got too tired to hide
>itself, my finger encountered the business end of the lancet. fortunately it was too dull to
>actually penetrate the skin; this was not at all reassuring. i rescued the lancet from the
>dustbin, carefully washed it off, wiped it with an alcohol wipe, and served it a cup of hot tea
>before reinstalling it in my finger gun. i made it to the meeting only four minutes late.
>the moral of this story; never change your lancet. ever. you've given it a good home and steady
>work for years; why turn it out onto the street now, where its latent wild instincts will only
>create a larger feral lancet population problem? i personally apologized to my used lancet for so
>callously disregarding its long and loyal service in the stabbing of my fingers, and vowed to
>never underappreciate it again. it happily settled back into its rightful place in the diabetic
>ecosystem. i then went out for coffee and a donut, but not before digging four lancets out of my
>cleavage. the Lancetus pokeatus population in my dorm room is alive and well .
>becky =) (dx'd 1/24/92 at age 10, pumping since 11/21/01)
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