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Re: [IP] Weight/Guilt

Bonnie Richardson wrote:
>  I am 30 pounds overweight (on most days) and I have been
> at least 20 pounds overweight all my life.   As a little girl here in the
> south, they called me "stout" as in "My, ain't she fine and stout".    I fit
> the perfect profile for a type 2, fat, female, and over forty.  I was
> diagnosed with Juvenile diabetes at age 44.  I have enough guilt and a
> bottomless pit of zero self esteem from being overweight that I surely don't
> want to have something else to feel guilty for.  You hit the nail on the
> head with your comments.  I aim for 45 units a day.  If I have a site going
> bad it will be 78 units some days, one time because of multiple site
> problems, plus eating chinese food for lunch, I had to use almost 100
> units.....(still don't know where that insulin goes).   So, I work hard at
> eating healthy foods, avoiding snacks and chocolate, doing the best that I
> can.  I am not 100% successful, but I am OK with myself about it on most
> days.

Interestingly, I was also diagnosed at age 44. I WASN'T overweight all
my life, but I was raised with, "Natalie, don't eat that, you'll get fat
and you'll get diabetes!" because my grandmother had diabetes, and my
family fervently believed diabetes was caused by overweight. When *I*
knew my grandmother, she was skinny -- but still needed insulin.

Needless to say, when I was diagnosed, I bawled for hours, because I
could hear all those ghostly voices saying "I told you so!".  Even if I
know intellectually, it isn't true, it's REALLY hard to shake off that
childhood training!

At my heaviest, when I was diagnosed, I just barely hit the bottom
cut-off for obesity (BMI 30); now I'm just barely above the top cut-off
for normal weight (BMI 25).  If it was really caused by weight, I should
have seen a drastic improvement from losing 25 lb., but what I DID see
was a continuing gradual deterioration of my pancreas. 

So the conclusion is that for ME, weight has exactly NOTHING to do with
my diabetes, and intellectually, I understand that, but emotionally,
it's a lot harder.

So, yes, I do have a LOT of guilt issues about weight, and I think that
the person who zeroed in on that is right.  I'm striving to learn to see
myself as a normal-weight person, shaped like the middle-aged woman I
am, and that diabetes is the luck of the draw, and NOT because I was

 ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- 
 Natalie A. Sera, with all her ducks in a row!
 Type Weird, pumping!
 mailto:email @ redacted
 ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c-._c- ._c- ._(` ._c- ._c- 
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