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Re: [IP] Calm down! :)

At 11:40 AM 9/9/99 -0800, you wrote:
>Hi, Steve,
>Another thing I think might be useful is to talk to a psychologist about
>all your frustrations -- because it seems to me you have a lot of issues
>going on, and they aren't REALLY about the pump -- they're about
>attitudes and feelings and life as it is. When you can deal with all
>your emotions, then the mechanics of the pump will certainly be easier.
>I don't mean to be preachy, but I'm really concerned about you as a
>whole person, and I think the best course is to get help when you need
>Natalie A. Sera 

Good response!
I have times of stress myself and have found that when I FEEL I'm losing
control of my life, I have to clamp down on EVERYTHING and assert control
on EVERYTHING.  It doesn't work, of course, the harder I try the worse it

The truth is, I am powerless over most things.  I am powerless over other
people, other events and over the random accidents that plague us all as we
try to live a normal life.  I am certainly powerless to CONTROL my BG.  I
can't guarantee that it will be normal all day.  I can't even usually
guarantee that it will be any particular value at any specific time.  I can
hit it most of the time but there are days when nothing seems to work.
Insulin resistance is not 100% predictable.  Knowing more facts doesn't
necessarily mean excellent control.

All this is not to say that efforts at tight control are inappropriate.  We
all are trying as hard as we can.  I have been diabetic for 20 years now
and I have resigned myself to good days and bad days (maybe bad hours).  I
grind my teeth with frustration when I unexpectedly see a 380 or a 450 on
the meter.  I had not done anything different than the day before!  I have
to remind myself that I just can't expect perfect control.  It isn't there
for me.  I can imagine that if I attempted to try harder and force even
better control of my BG and the results did not suit me I would be angry
and frustrated.  At the core of my being would be a dull fear that colored
my existence --- my life was out of control.

The trick in diabetes (and many other problems I face) is to allow a good
deal of room for mistakes and unexpected results.  Again, I am not saying
that working at good control is bad.  It is obviously good!  The problem is
that no matter how hard I try I cannot achieve perfect control.  I need to
be reminded of that (by myself) and not become emotionally distraught when
my BG goes places I don't want it to go.

I am powerless to control my diabetes perfectly.  I am powerless to control
others etc. etc.  I have to allow reality to plot my course of action and
give up the illusion that, if I tried a little harder, I could have done it

Bob Blakely
email @ redacted
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