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[IP] (no subject)

this may end up being a venting post 
When i look at my house i want to bawl. I hate it. it is ugly. The children 
at the bus stop at my house have kicked and tore a hole 3 ft wide into the 
shed beside my driveway so everyone driving by can see it. It was easy to 
tear apart because the prev. owners made the shed out of particle boards.  
This is one of the first things we need done because of stray animals. the 
neighbors have like umpteen kittens and more on the way. they like my shed in 
the winter. I dont like them in the winter. The kids also tore my fence apart 
too :( The police, school and bus company wont do anything-- so there goes a 
whole ton of money i dont have to fix it.
Our yard was never pretty , the people here before us let the weeds take 
over. UGly. it looks good when the weeds are gone. The inside of my house is 
not any better. the framing from the windows is missing :( and it is ugly. 
the floor is stained ugly (linolieum). i tried to make the living room and 
bedroom pretty but it isnt.  we have so many plans for our house and no 
money. We want to get like a home depot card and buy things and pay them off. 
We also want a deck. and to fix the fence so it is not see through but the 
wood is very close together.  But first things first...........
I just wish we were able to get some money and fix our place and not have 
dumb kids ruin my house and not have to be liable. If i would have done that 
when i was a kid, man o man would i have had to pay!! AN di dont just mean 
money but punishment such as groundings and apoligizing and all that. 
Life is hard sometimes and I wish it wasnt. I wish i could move home and have 
things as they were even 1 year ago. Everything as good. My husband had a 60 
hour/ job we had no debt, we were happy....   I mean i am happy now but i 
have these days like today. I want to cry but i dont think i have any tears. 
I went out to my shed today to try and fix it and everything i tried to fix 
iw ould just find another thing wrong! UGH> I WANT TO SCREAM BUT WE HAVE 
NEIGHBORS NOW. it doesnt help either that they are fixing there house. 
the good news is my health is ok but Joel is depressed over his weight . I 
cant do anything for him and I get upset sometimes for him complaining. I 
shouldnt i know. I am a awful wife for saying this. I feel like and *** for 
saying that but it is true.  I know i would feel like &^%$ if i knew he 
thought " jenn shut up already"
I want out of this place soon. 
I know millions of people have it worse than me but this is one of those 
depressed days for me. I dont get them very often lately but UGH 
UGHUGHHGHJGAHD UHJDKL"JDL"IHJWOI"YRE"?. I am so friggin upset at those ^%$ 
kids. UGH> I am glad they are not on my yard right now because i am afraid I 
may some thing that I may regret. 
I think I am depressed so much today because the kids , the police and 
everyone we called wont do jack &^%$, they tell us its our fault more or less 
and most of my friends lately have been depressed and Im tired of  depressed 
people. But i have gone and gotten depressed. 
This world has gone insane. people are allowed to walk around and not pay for 
their actions and we wonder why things like new york happened? gee i dont 
know. Maybe if you deal with the problems when they are little they wont get 
maybe i am tired and that is part of it.  I did have to get up at 8 am to 
talk to the kids and again tomorrow morning to see if the police shows up 
like he said he would 
thanks for listening
jen hughes
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