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[IP] Re: being different and self acceptance

In a message dated 10/05/2000 11:39:11 AM US Mountain Standard Time, 
email @ redacted writes:

<< hree weeks she is still missing some bolus, most of the time at school. I
 think it might be a school thing, not wanting to bolus in front of other
 people. This is just a guess on my part. I know that she doesn't feel
 comfortable having to do bg's and bolusing in front of normal people. Her
 CDE wants her to check her bg's before she plays soccer b/c she has been
 very high after soccer. She will play this game with me on how she can get
 ou >>
      I was diagnosed diabetic at age 12 and 30 years later, I still struggle 
with self-worth issues.  It sounds as though Eve is uncomfortable with 
feeling "different".  Possibly you could talk to her about how many famous 
and "successful" people have dealt with diabetes, alcoholic parents, cancer, 
and many other situations that resulted in them feeling different.  I believe 
that many, many people deal with feeling "unworthy" of self-love, or that in 
some way God has abandoned them.  
      I hope you are able to convince her that diabetes does not have to hold 
her back from being "normal".  Through your continued assurance that you love 
her, and that her "worth" is unrelated to the diabetes, she may learn 
patience and self-acceptance.  Of course first she has to work through her 
anger at how unfair life appears to be.  This is her choice.
       Unfortunately my own parents were unable to teach me about self-love 
and faith in my abilities to cope.  I had to learn this on my own.  I have 
been very fortunate, and I have no complications from 30 years of diabetes.  
I am a pharmacist, I had 2 uncomplicated pregnancies and my children are now 
ages 9 and 13, I have had an insulin pump since 1981.  I attribute my good 
health to my determination to never give up.  The most damaging issue in my 
life has been anger and lack of self worth.  At 13, I am sure your daughter 
will go through many stages.  I encourage you to tell her that she is worth 
all the effort in the world, regardless of what her blood sugar or 
glycosylated hemoglobin level is.  Every person's worth comes from their 
soul.  Having the confidence to be "different" and risk being rejected is 
very frightening.  I'd bet that any diabetic on this list has stories of 
feeling that other people judged them unfairly as "inferior" or "defective" 
because of their diabetes.
       Eventually diabetes teaches us patience, and hopefully that our bodies 
are teaching us to take care of our health, and to love ourselves regardless 
of how inconvenient it may be.  To love our soul is easier, and know that we 
are stronger believing in our ability to be compassionate to any person that 
feels "different".  Taking the time to test your blood sugar is an act of 
self-love.  Obsessing over the results or relating the results to your self 
worth, is self-destructive.  I wonder how many of your daughter's "normal" 
friends have "hidden" self-worth issues, like an abusive or inattentive 
parent, fears over feeling unattractive or "nerdy", feeling "stupid", etc.. . 
 I believe that the teenage years are packed with self-worth issues.  This 
may be an excellent opportunity for you to start a long term dialogue about 
the value of each person's soul, growing stronger, and believing in your 
divine right to happiness.  Good luck to you both.
Anne Morris          
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