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[IP] cry for help.....(long)

Okay list.......I don't write too often, but do read everything & absorb all 
the great information!  
I am needing help......
First off, I want to say that I KNOW I am whining to this list, and I know 
some of you don't care to hear from whining mothers, so go ahead and delete 
now! I also know that the problems that I have with my son go deeper than 
just the diabetes, and yes, we are attending counseling.  I am being up front 
and telling you this, because I am afraid that I am going to get a few 
reply's to this that slam my parenting techniques! I don't need to be slammed 
anymore.........I have to deal with the fact, myself, that I am failing as a 
mother. But what I really need now is some advice on dealing with the pump & 
Justin! I don't mean to sound so harsh, I just don't need any "hate" mail 
today.......I am having a hard enough time with all this as it is! Parenting 
is a hard enough job......and then you add in a kid with special needs - I 
know some of you can relate to the pressures of that!  
My 15 year old son started pumping on Aug. 15th.  He has always had a very 
hard time dealing with the fact that he has diabetes. We have had a lot of 
denial problems in the past. Things have seemed to get out of hand lately.  I 
checked his meter last night, and things just didn't jive......numbers were 
all too close together, too good of control for what we were used to.  My 
first thought was..."WOW, this pump is really working"!, but then I 
remembered what had happened in the past (Justin had used test solution when 
testing).  I confronted him on it. He at first lied about it, but then broke 
down and said, YES, he was using test solution. He also figures out how to 
change the dates and times on his meter so that he could go back & do several 
days worth of tests with test solution at a time. He hasn't actually tested 
his blood in over 2 weeks. He is completely guessing when doing his boluses. 
I did check the memory screen for the boluses, and he is giving himself 
boluses (unless he has figured out how to change that, too). He is 15, and we 
try to let him take as much responsibility with his life as possible. 
Obviously we have given him too much of our trust? Do we need to take it 
back, and start checking his blood for him? Giving boluses for him? Counting 
carbs for him? He isn't home all the time......should I ground him to the 
house for the next year? Home school him so that he is always here? And 
sports.....the one thing he LOVES - should I take that away as punishment? 
Not let him play on the school team? I can't help but think that that will 
make him hate his diabetes and his life that much more! 
I had him check his blood right then......346. Negative keytones.  
I Just don't get it.......He cares more about people seeing him test his 
blood, than he cares about his health?? He says that he doesn't want people, 
especially kids at school to see him. I suggested having him go to the nurses 
station each time, and he said that he won't do that, either. He does not 
want to be "different". He says he just wants to be normal.   -  What exactly 
is normal??  Is there anyone "normal"??  Everyone is different, in some way 
or another.......but he doesn't understand that.  He wants this diabetes to 
go away, but knows that it won;t. 
I guess what I am wondering is.....since he isn't taking care of himself, not 
taking this pump and his health seriously, should I take the pump away? I 
don't know that that will really solve anything, because he just then will 
not do his injections.  At this point, I feel it is a lose-lose situation.  
We have involved his CDE, Endo, Ped, and mental health counselor......but I 
really feel that none quite understand what he is feeling, and what we are 
going through. 
What can I do???  What should I do???  He tells us so often that he hates his 
life.  What can I do???  I am so scared for what the future holds for him!!!  
I am very actively involved in a diabetes support group and am on the board 
of JDF - I have alot of support, but still........

Teresa  (mom to Justin - 15   dx'd 8/98, pumping since 8/15/00)
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