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[IP] In defense of Dads
Thank you for noticing, Natalie and Michael. Michael, I guess you will get
that donation now.
On Dads: Yes, I am very involved in my kids care, so is her mom and so is
she. But I do understand why other dads let it go. It takes a battle for a
dad to be involved with their kids.
Example: I am a Girl Scout leader and no I am not a pervert. But I am
often treated with suspicion when I show for a meeting. Last year, I would
show up to participate in the last 20 mins or so of a meeting and I would be
ignored. Once I was asked why I was there.
ALL of the notes home from Girl Scouts are addressed to MOM.
This year my kid wants to have a sleep over for her Bday, but we have to
wait until mom gets back from her business trip. Why? Because dad can't be
alone with a house full of third grade girls. Not because I am a threat to
them but they are a threat to me. On top of that, if the parents knew that
it would be just me, they would not let their daughters come.
When I told my boss that I would be taking several months off to care for my
3 Mo old, he asked what was wrong with my wife.
Another co-worked had a kid about the same time and he asked me to go on a 1
month trip and said that I was the only one that he could ask. Well, she
(co-worker) had come back to work full time, so I asked why he couldn't ask
her. He said that she was a new mom and he couldn't ask her. My response:
Then you can't ask me, I am just as much a new parent as she. End result,
no one went.
Of course, had I gone, I would not have been participating in my kids care,
but my co-worker would have been participating in her's. I had to fight to
be at home, she did not. She also was expected to take a long maternity
leave even though her husband was completely healthy.
I suspect that many dads would have to force their participation on the
My wife and I often have tiffs over kid care that could be avoided if we
were not both trying to be as involved as we can be. It would be more
harmonious to just let one of us deal with it. And who do you think would
have more societal support to deal with it.?
So, I understand why dads are not more involved. Society doesn't want dads
to care for the kids. Get a divorce, see who gets the kids, even when both
parents want custody. I think the stats would be more than 90% that moms
get the kids in a custody dispute.
We have more to fix than just dads. Our whole social structure imprints
roles and creates stereotypes.
I have been and I suspect that most fathers have been considered the
assistant parent. To not be the assistant is an irritation to the smooth
flow of home life.
Dads are just taking the role handed to them.
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