[Previous Months][Date Index][Thread Index][Join - Register][Login]
[Message Prev][Message Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]

[IP] Nothing to do with diabetes, but we can all enjoy a laugh now and then

They have finally been released!  For those not familiar
with the Darwin Award  - It's an annual honor given to the
person who provided the universal human gene pool the
biggest service by getting killed in the most
extraordinarily stupid way.  As always, competition this
year has been keen again. Some candidates appear to have
trained their whole lives for this event!
1.      In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck
and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing headfirst
through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
 2.      In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco
stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," according to
his wife, accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
 3.      Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an
8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat
inside it.  Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21 dug the hole
for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting
in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.  People on
the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels,
trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,
VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
 4.      In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in
Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
 5.      According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet
Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow
cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a
knife could not penetrate the flakvest Berrena was wearing.
 6.      Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February
in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he
would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.
 7.      In February, according to police in Windsor,
Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a
head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken
they were playing with their snowmobiles.
 8.      In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a
100-foot-high bluff near Ozark, Ark, after he lost his grip
swinging on a cross that marked the spot where another
person had fallen to his death in 1990.
 1.      In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to
kill a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but
the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal
Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
 2.      In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins,
attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to
use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire
that burned the first and second floors of his house.
 3.      Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover
Township, NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also
injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in
their car.  While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple
lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that
the window was closed.
 4.      Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia,
Colombia, an annual festival in November includes five days
of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull was killed, but
dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in the
head and one Bobbittized.  Said one participant, "It's just
one bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons."
 1.      Four people were injured in a string of related
bizarre accidents.  Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head
wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with
a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms
and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and
Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had
been bitten off.  Moeller had just dropped her husband off
for his first day of work and, in addition to a good-bye
kiss, she flashed her breasts at him.  "I'm still not sure
why I did it," she said later "I was really close to the
car, so I didn't think anyone would see.  Besides, it
couldn't have been for more than two seconds".  However, cab
driver Vegas did see and lost control of his cab, running
over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical
Building.  Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was
cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash of the cab against the
building made her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums with a
cleaning pick.  In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers
from Klesick's hand.  Moeller's wound was caused by a
falling piece of the medical building.
 2.      TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center
after eating three birth-control vaginal inserts.  Her
English was so bad she had to draw a picture describing how
she believed she had poisoned herself.  A translator arrived
shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions.  Marie
Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or
gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third
one, she realized something was wrong when her throat and
mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam.  She ran for
the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where
doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat
and stomach with no ill effects.
 3.      La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was
released from a trauma center after having a cell phone
removed from his rectum.  "My dog drags the thing all over
the house," he said later.  "He must have dragged it into
the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog
and sat down right on the thing."  The extraction took more
than three hours due to the fact that the cover to Mr.
Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He was a real
trooper during the entire episode," said Dr. Dennis Crobe.
"Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying
himself.  Three times during the extraction his phone rang
and each time, he made jokes about it that just had us
rolling on the floor.  By the time we finished, we really
did expect to find an answering machine in there".
 4.      TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a person who
had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no one had brought bungee rope.  Bingham,
who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable
was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied
to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.  He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and
was rescued by two nearby fishermen.  "All I can say," said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that
night.  There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's
foot was never located.
 5.      BREMERTON, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife,
Emily, were engaging in bondage games when Christopher
suggested spreading peanut butter on his genitals and
letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean.  Sadly,
Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's penis
and testicles. Rudy refused to obey commands and a panicked
Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume at the dog. The
bottle broke, covering the dog and Christopher with
perfume.  Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the
penis. While trying to get her unconscious husband in the
car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring
her wrist and ankle.  Christopher's penis was in a Styrofoam
ice cooler "Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon who
spent eight hours reattaching the penis.  "Believe it or
not, the perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high
alcohol content, which must have been excruciatingly
painful, helped sterilize the wound.  Also, aside from it
being removed, the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the
penis per se is minimal.  It's really a very stringy piece
of flesh.  Mr. Coulter stands an excellent chance of
regaining the use of his limb because of this." Washington
Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.
 PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich
Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of
animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and
prunes before the  plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly-and
suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the
relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of
 "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation
knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his
head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued
to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern.  "With no one there to
help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he
suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those freak
accidents that happen

Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.bizsystems.com/Diabetes/