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[IP] A Question for the Discouraged...(a little long)
Hello Fellow Pumpers,
I haven't posted in a while, but I keep up with everyone each night when I
sit down to wade through my masses of email! My question is this (and I
invite EVERYONE to respond). I am 21 years old and have been pumping since
August of this year. When I got the news that I would be able to get my
pump, I cannot express how excited I was. Of course, you all know that
feeling :) I imagined a newly perfect life with freedom and control -- I
honestly expected things to be drastically different.
HOWEVER, I have been so down and out about my newfound pump living. Perhaps
I'm forgetting how difficult things were, but I can't honestly say that I am
leading a better life with the pump now. I keep reading your emails for
encouragement and I'm so very proud that many of you are doing so extremely
well, but <sigh> I don't know that life is any different for me. I've never
been out of control. My HbA1C's have always ranged from 7.1-7.5 and aside
from the usual highs and lows on occasion -- I never felt that life was that
awful for me. And now, I find myself a little sad that nothing has changed.
My friends comment "OH! You never have to take those nasty shots again!!"
But, injections were to me like using the bathroom. After years with this
disease, you do seem to develop a numbness to much of it. In fact, much of
the time, I find myself resenting the constant reminder of diabetes by
having this attached to me 24/7. It seemed as if before, I didn't have to
be so constantly reminded of diabetes. I feel overwhelmingly paranoid, as
if I can't do anything without worrying that an alarm might sound or a
reservoir may run out or I might have a bad sight or I might've counted
carbs wrong, etc...
So, I guess I'd just like to hear if any of you have gone through this or
are going through it right now. I hate to be grumbling about something I
believe to be a life-saver for so many....but hey! isn't that why we come to
this list -- to help each other get through the good and the not-so-good??
Just looking for commentary...
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