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[IP] Too much on my plate (NOT FOOD)
My Higher Power has a sense of humor - THANK YOU......D@#M IT
It's been a roller coaster week and last Friday came a major Aha.
I acknowledged that I was on overload and knew I needed help to unload some
of the excess. Was absolutely amazing that I was aware of that need and
started actively looking for "resources" within less than a week - What a
difference from the months/weeks that passed before action in previous times.
Friday my head and heart "MET" to say it's time to look at areas around
which most of my "acting out" revolved (and I was already aware of) -
diabetes and "protecting" my boundaries.....
I came to the realization that the things I need to do on a daily basis to
survive (specifically related to diabetes) without anything else are very
close to "filling my plate"... Knowing what I need to do and also wanting
to, related to the diabetes and still the easiest way to quickly reduce
stress is "forgetting" about the diabetes. Short (very) term is very
successful and then becoming aware of the "brain fade" within the long
period of 4 to 6 hours. ;-) Or waking up with a great blood glucose,
walking the dog, and 2 hours later without eating anything the blood sugar
has climbed 110 points - then noticing that the blood tests that I had been
putting off for too long included a fasting blood glucose....
Just found out yesterday that the intake person had classified me as
suicidal when I was looking for "overload" help about 2.5 years ago. My
perception is and has been "I don't have enough energy to do the things
that I need to for survival" so I better get some help. I think the
perception of that statement is very different for the general "passive
survival" population. Unless the "passive" does an action that puts them
at risk, there isn't much of a risk...
I have active input to my survival on a daily basis and if I don't have the
energy to do those things my life may be at risk....
I don't need the medical "this is what you need to do and how to do it" -
been there, done that and it has very little energy to carry me along.....
I do need a place to honor the emotional and spiritual aspects of diabetes
with others familiar with the diabetes highs, "drama" and dragons. I need
a group (professional and not) to shine some light on the shadow sides of
diabetes that are always close on my life journey.....
I know there are others who have caught glimpses of the monsters in the
diabetes shadows! Anyone have any ideas to bring the "monsters" into the
light so I (we?) explore how big they really are?
If traveling together I bring a lot of energy to a dream AND I know that I
will "go up in flames" anytime I say "I can do that" (without others
willing to walk a similar path).....
No matter what happens, all I can do is turn this over to my higher power
and hang on for the ride - I need help............. (and I am going after it)
One day at a time....... how many nanoseconds are there in a day?...
email @ redacted
God, Grant us the SERENITY to accept the things we cannot change; The
COURAGE to change the things we can; And the WISDOM to know the difference.
What we could never do alone ...
We can do together.
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