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Re: [IP] Re: denial

Thanks Natalie... its hard to hear people say get a grip its your only body.
I know this is true... duh.  But you put my exact feelings into words and
yes, your methods sound like they can help me.  Just got my 508 yesterday.
All day I have had anywhere from 80 to 118 bg levels.  That is awesome for
me and I am super encouraged.  Guess what.. all diet pop today too... NO MT
DEW!  We'll see if I can keep it up this time... Thanks... Jenni
- ----- Original Message -----
From: <email @ redacted>
To: <email @ redacted>
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2001 10:29 AM
Subject: [IP] Re: denial

> Jenni wrote:
> >I am having a hard time admitting to my diabetic lifestyle.  I tell
> > I am diabetic, I realize I am diabetic.  I tell others I am diabetic,
yet I
> > do not live as a diabetic.  I have been on the pump 4 yrs and I eat
whatever I
> >please, never adjusting a bolus for a "treat".  In fact, sometimes I only
> >bolus once in 48 hours!!  Will I ever live up to the fact I am diabetic?
> >Its been 6 yrs!!!  Has anyone else had this prob?
> Ohhhh, yes, I've had it in spades!
> First of all, I don't think it's denial per se -- more like rebellion.
> It's feeling like saying "Don't try telling ME that I have to do all
> these things, 'cause I'm just not gonna!!"
> It's also wishful thinking -- "Maybe the diabetes went away while I
> wasn't looking."
> I've been working on ways to cope. First of all, there are some things I
> will and some things I just WON'T do. Random eating is one thing I won't
> give up. And sometimes I do just what you do -- don't bolus when I
> should. And pay the consequences later by not feeling well. In the early
> days of my diabetes, I would just skip shots for days -- because I had
> (and still have) endogenous insulin production, I didn't go into DKA,
> but my BGs just went up and up and I ended up miserable. That's what
> always drove me back to shots.
> One of the good things about the pump, for ME is that I don't have to
> remember to take basal shots -- I have to actively rebel, by doing,
> rather than passively rebel by NOT doing.
> Second, my insulin is always with me, and when I don't want to bolus, I
> ask myself if it's really that hard to press a few buttons. Even if I
> don't want to calculate, I can at least take a conservative amount to
> help my body at least a little. On shots, I used to rebel by not
> summoning up the energy to go get my syringe and insulin, or later, pen,
> wherever they might be. Or I'd head out to lunch with friends, knowing
> full well I didn't have my insulin with me.
> I also gave myself permission to schedule "official rebellions" -- once
> every three months, to keep myself on track for the rest of the time. So
> I schedule a weekend, when I have no other commitments, to just stop
> taking insulin. My BG goes up rapidly, and by the second day, I can't
> stand it any more, and so go back on the pump. This one is a
> manifestation of seeing whether it went away while I wasn't looking. Fat
> chance, eh??
> I guess I'm lucky in that I get symptoms of high BGs very clearly when
> my BG is above 200 for any length of time. And they're not pleasant! And
> at that point, I TELL myself -- this is because you're diabetic, dummy,
> and you NEED the insulin. It ain't a game! And it not only didn't go
> away, it's gonna turn around and BITE you if you don't get your act
> together and fly straight!
> As a slow emotional learner, I NEED that reminder from time to time, and
> so I give myself permission to TAKE that reminder. A few days of high
> BGs in a year's time is NOT going to do a lot of damage, if it motivates
> me to take better care of myself during the rest of the year.
> Anyway, my methods may not work for you, but at least I understand what
> you're going through, and that it doesn't resolve overnight, just
> because you think it OUGHT to.
> Good luck!
>  ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c-
>  Natalie A. Sera, with all her ducks in a row!
>  Type Weird, pumping!
>  mailto:email @ redacted
>  ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c- ._c-._c- ._c- ._(` ._c- ._c-
>                               (
>                                0
>  Can YOU find the ugly duckling? (Hint: it ain't the pumperduck!)
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