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[IP] Can't resist sending this HMO explanation. Sorry

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" 
Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, 
who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about 
his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern 
practice replaces the physical eye poke with hi-tech equivalents 
such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains 
the same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose 
the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. 
Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors 
who were participating in the plan at the time the information 
was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories 
- -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those 
who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't 
worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and 
accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away!

Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when 
they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, 
we appear to be pre-stuck with it.

Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need medication, 
but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.

Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a  deductible and a  yearly cap. 
My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd 
already paid my bill. What should I do?
A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check 
over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of 
those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like 
windmill farms or frog hatcheries.

Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.

Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your 
primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then 
get sick.

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can 
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart 
transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the 
 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.

Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.

Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment 
by then

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