[Previous Months][Date Index][Thread Index][Join - Register][Login]
[Message Prev][Message Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]

[IP] naughty daughter LONG

Hi kids....i had my vitrectomy and will fill you all in shortly but skimming 
the 12 digests i missed, i saw this:

Robyn wrote
>  we have a very difficult time controlling her blood sugar... 
>  mainly do to carb counting and insulin adjustments 
> Unless I  am with her constantly, she will eat before giving a 
> bolus of humalog, and  sometimes eating w/o telling me. 

Not to single youo out Robyn, but just to all parents...you are the mommy (or 
the daddy).  she is the little girl (he/boy).  If you found out she was 
stealing money out of your purse, or sneaking a sip out of the vodka bottle, 
wouldn't you do something?  Diabetes is a part of her life and the sooner she 
learns that there are consequences to her actions, the better.    I wrote the 
following last summer....i think it still applies - again - not solely 
directed at Robyn....

Diabetes is as much a part of a child's life as are his wisdom teeth, poopy 
diapers and scraped knees.  To treat D as "separate" is to do a child a 
dis-service!  Who else is supposed to guide us through this learning 
experience?   If not mom/dad, then who?  the doctor?  god?  some book?  a 
school teacher?  I think not.  True, accidents happen and a child does not 
need punishment every time they do, but think about it...parents raise kids 
to become self sufficient, contributing and hopefully LIVING members of 
society.  Don't parents punish kids who doesn't follow the rules they set up? 
 Shouldn't grounding be in order if a 15 year old misses his 10pm curfew, 
doesn't call home, and then wanders in at 2am?  Wouldn't a 6 year old be made 
aware of doing wrong, and perhaps even punished, if he had swung the cat by 
its tail, or at age 17 for forgetting his glasses when he got behind the 
wheel of a car, or for speeding through the neighborhood.  

Are you gonna WAIT til the complications set in and THEN set down some 
parameters of expected behavior for your diabetic child?  

Diabetes IS unfair, just as LIFE is unfair and any parent that teaches their 
child different is wrong, in my childless, yet humble opinion.  Just cuz you 
work hard, do your homework and keep your blood sugar under 140 does not 
guarantee you a 6 figure income or a complication free life.  I think 
learning HOW to live, how to cope with what what you get in this crap shoot,  
is something children NEED to be taught by their parents, and that includes 
learning how to live with diabetes.  We need to be taught how to make STRONG 
choices (and not just with Diabetes things), as well as what the consequences 
will be if we make WEAK choices (and again, not just with Diabetes!).

While kids do not need to be humiliated or embarrassed, and not every offense 
deserves a spanking or grounding, (though some do), it is still the parents 
*Responsibility* to teach right from wrong, and how being "naughty" can 
result in a punishment...  "Right" is eating properly, taking your insulin, 
wearing your seatbelt, not smoking, driving safely, doing your homework, not 
lying and learning how to accommodate for a package of Oreos.  "Improper or 
WEAK choices" would include skipping shots, forgetting snacks, being late 
without calling, cheating at school, not picking up your insulin when sent to 
the store with money to get it, and refusing to take part in the care of your 
diabetes.  Sure, at age 12 I don't think I would have been able to figure it 
ALL out, despite being as intelligent as my parents tell me I was, but rather 
than a "mere" yelling when they found all those ice cream bar wrappers, I 
think I needed to be punished!  Spanked?  Grounded? I don't know.  Something 
from my figures of authority to drive home the lesson that my 
irresponsibility was NOT just a silly game, and not something I should expect 
to get away with again!  Actions (punishment) speaks louder than words 
Accidents happen, but that is why this is called LIFE, and not death.  Life 
is a series of non-fatal accidents.   If we don't learn from our mistakes so 
we can avoid doing them again and live longer, then what is the point?  Barb 
(my car crash friend)'s mistake certainly taught me something about testing 
before I drive!!! It was a "spanking" I was glad to receive, and one I wish 
she had had the opportunity to learn

My parents provided me with an excellent childhood and empowered me with an
independent spirit that has always served me well.  If anything, I wish they 
had been
more aware of what I was doing as a child.  Mom would say things like "are 
you sure you can eat that?" (like she didnt have access to the same ADA 
exchange book that I had...) and of course I said yes!   To this day, when I 
say, for example, "my bg is 123" I can count on a "is that good?" response 
from them.  

I was TRUSTED with the responsibility of my diabetes, and I am sure they felt 
they were doing best by allowing me the control, but I think they might have 
given THIS
particularly willful and strong minded 10 year old too much power!!  I still 
needed to be taught right from wrong.  

When this was originally written Sherry had gotten in trouble, grounded, I 
believe, for sneaking a twinkie into her lunchbox....to which I responded 
"Did you ever do it again?"  And even if you did, didn't you KNOW there might 
be consequences?  Sure when you are 12, the threat of future complications 
for eating a twinkie NOW isn't that much of a deterrent...but how about the 
threat of a week with no after school activities???  It would have worked for 
me.  I never borrowed the car without asking permission, after a week of not 
being able to use it at all...I never made long distance calls without 
asking, after a month with NO phone in my room!!!   Punishment must MEAN 
something.  I think that is the premise behind punishment.  Once rules and 
parameters are set, it is the parents job to make sure they are upheld, and 
hopefully the kids will grow up an intelligent, healthy, contributing member 
of society, instead of delinquent losers who whine and complain and want 
someone else to take care of their problems.

Hindsight is not always 20/20; my punishment for eating all those ice cream 
bars and
candy without regard for the consequences is retinopathy  - a "spanking" that 
my great control for the last 7 years can never diminish.  I would gladly 
trade it for a month of being grounded - hell a year of no phone would not 
even bum me out too much at this point...bet I would have learned the lesson 
that ice cream bars, without proper carb counting, are not STRONG or RIGHT 
choices for me.

A parent doesn't have to single a child out, embarrass him or otherwise abuse 
him for
screwing up diabetes-wise, but it is your job to TEACH and point the way!!   
If you feel "bad" about punishing your child for something diabetes related, 
think how bad my mom must feel when I have to tell her my eye bled again, - 
she is actually HERE now as I re-write this, babysitting me through my recent 

Anyway, as wayne pointed out when this was originally written, they are 
closer to preventing diabetes in future generations than they are to curing 
it...I am happy, but jealous.  You won't have to teach your newly diagnosed 
children to count carbs and threaten them with blindness anymore, and life 
will be a much more edible bowl of chocolate covered cherries.  Parents can 
concentrate on the evils of drugs, premarital sex and conservative right wing 
politics instead of diabetes, and what a joy I am sure that will be.

Now, as I bolus exactly 2.7 units for my 1/4 cup serving of ben and jerry's, 
I silently wish my mom and dad HAD spanked me for those ice cream bars I ate 
hiding in my room when I was 12.


- ----------------------------------------------------------
for HELP or to subscribe/unsubscribe, contact: HELP@insulin-pumpers.org
send a DONATION http://www.Insulin-Pumpers.org/donate.shtml