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[IP] Diabetes,Testing,Blackouts,Sugar Cravings,Major Denial

I need to talk to anyone on this list who can understand anything about
what's been happening to me.  To begin, my last A1C was okay, 6.8,
even though I've hardly been testing at all-- shows how well the pump works
for me, compared with 8.8 on shots.  So my blood sugars are *acceptable*
but I've not been testing-- I test maybe once or twice a week
lately, usually before I exercise just to make sure I don't keel over.  When
do test, I'm usually in the upper 100's, though there are times when I know
I'm in the 300's and just don't test.  I know it would be so easy to just
bolus, and be back in control, but I have some major barrier against
I've also been eating foods I shouldn't, having major sugar cravings,
during bad highs, and giving into the cravings every time.  I exercise a few
a week, but am feeling so bad I'm even skipping that sometimes.

In addition, I've been having periods of "phaseouts" or "near blackouts."
seem to happen throughout the day, sometimes while driving, where I feel
my brain is zoning out but I'm not going low.  I even feel the shock that I
do when
I'm headed for a low and my vision goes blurry, not like my eyes are bad,
but like
I mentally can't bring myself to focus.

I think this may be happening due denial/depression due to diabetes.  I've
had it for 3 years now and may be at that stage where I realize it's
I mean really realize.  Can anyone commiserate or share advice?  I feel like
nobody to talk to about this who wants to help.

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