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[IP] NPTSS (newbie pumper traumatic stress syndrome)
This is kinda long - sorry
> In the face of these wonderful results, emotionally, I feel terrible......
> felt sad, flat, and numb. I got home from work and bawled until I
> couldn't breathe. I know that feeling. I've suffered from clinical
> depression for many years, for which I take anti-depressant meds,
> and I can tell that I am in danger of sliding into the abyss.
First of all, congrats on getting on the pump. I am sure the blips you
mentioned are working their way out...if not completely, at least I know you
are figuring out ways to deal with each new thing as it comes along...
Secondly, I hope the kitty has surfaced. 8-(
And finally, re: the N.P.T.S.S. It may depress you to realize that “this is
it” in terms of diabetes care, but I think very literally, there IS something
missing from your life now. Your body is used to fighting a daily battle.
Your body has a new lease on life and a lot of free time. The stress of the
“sugar wars” is getting less and less every day, and your body has to get used
to directing its energies elsewhere besides fighting for equilibrium on the
cellular level! While you still have the ups and downs, and you will
continue to have them, it is no longer a uncontrollable battle being waged
inside you. You are now the general in charge of your house, Make them cells
bow down before you and behave or suffer your wrath!! “You bbbbbaaaaddddd
cells! I am going to inflict 4.2 units of insulin on you now for not making
it yourself when I ate that popsicle!! Now drop and give me 100 points of
lower blood sugar.”
Also, now that your sugars are more in control, maybe you are discovering you
are a different person than you were with less than normal bloodsugars. That
is gonna take some adjustment for you and your loved ones. Your true colors
finally have a chance to come out, and maybe you are really a olive green
person, when all this time you thought you were lemon yellow. Don’t fight it
- there are some people with diabetes who are moody and irritable because
their sugars are always screwed up (and some of us are just plain B***ES), so
it might take some time to get used to the normal sugar you, and to find out
Who You Really Are.
Another void you have is the feeling of dependance on others for your well
being - you are now solo, and that is scary and liberating at the same
time..it just takes alot of getting used to, believe me!! It’s always nice to
be able to lean on someone/thing, but now you got the power! hopefully your
family/friends/team are behind you, but ultimately you are in charge! And all
the little cells are running around having a parade cuz they are so happy you
are their leader now!!
Don’t be concerned. You already KNOW about your clinical depression, as do I,
and you already know the benefit of antidepressant, as do I. This NPTSS is
not a chemical thing, I don’t think - this is pure mental blockage and once
you get more sure of yourself, this too will pass...
As for the guilt thing - don’t EVEN think about it anymore. you don’t have to
fortunate that you have the insurance - you probably pay big bucks for it! If
government really gave a rat’s ass about any of us, do you really think any of
us would be so elated over getting a free meter?
So, in my so-called “personal” opinion, Laurel, go ahead and curl up and
sleep, and have pleasant dreams, then get up and have an Oreo, or four...and
hopefully Woody will show up to finish the milk up for ya!
Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.bizsystems.com/Diabetes/
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