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[IP] What do you make of this??




Hi, All--

I am nearing the end of my first week pumping and can only say that things
are going great in terms of my tolerance for the pump and the difference in
my blood sugars.  After some blips because of it being "that time of the
month," and yesterday's adventure with blood backing up my tubing, today my
BG graph (I'm using the one from PUMPING INSULIN) is practically a flat
line, with *ALL* results within the shaded target area.  There are still 5
hours left in the day, of course, but no amount of effort on MDI would have
gotten me the last 19 hours' results!

But here's my dilemma.  In the face of these wonderful results,
emotionally, I feel terrible.  I went out walking over my lunch hour and
the weather was beautiful--but I felt sad, flat, and numb.  I got home from
work and bawled until I couldn't breathe.  I know that feeling.  I've
suffered from clinical depression for many years, for which I take
anti-depressant meds, and I can tell that I am in danger of sliding into
the abyss.

Our missing cat, Woody, still has not returned, and I am very upset and sad
about that; and there are other ongoing concerns.  But I feel like there is
something more here . . . and I further feel that it has something to do
with my becoming a pumper.

Can any of you good folks think of a reason why I would feel depressed over
my transition to the pump?  Has anyone experienced anything like this?

This has me really puzzled and concerned.  I feel sorta guilty also,
because I know that I am very fortunate to have insurance which has allowed
me to get a pump.  I should be elated, in spite of other concerns! 
Instead, I find myself wishing to fall asleep and never wake up.

I've heard of newbie pumper euphoria, but how about newbie pumper traumatic
stress syndrome?

I hope I will get some comments on this, because it has taken me an
inordinately long time to type it out.

Sorry to be an ungrateful pest.

--Laurel (pumping with MM 507 & SofSets since 5/15)









----------
> From: Steve Fuller <email @ redacted>
> To: 'email @ redacted'; 'email @ redacted'
> Subject: [IP] re: shocked
> Date: Thursday, May 21, 1998 2:55 PM
> 
You didn't state what your target range is so this it is hard to comment.
However when I spoke with my Nurse Practitioner (also a pumper) about some
high's I was having, her comment back was "you have diabetes, you cannot
expect to have perfect sugars, there are too many variable to maintain all
of the time".  Your goal is to improve your A1c's, reduce number of extreme
lows and highs.  In my case, we have a goal of 85% of numbers are below
180.
Remember, if you are high, chances are you will be testing more frequently
to get it down, so these percentages are only a gauge.  Set reasonable,
attainable goals for yourself and communicate them with your endo.  If you
expect perfection, you could fall off the cliff when you fail.

Steve Fuller
Capacity Planning Products and Services
978-496-8496 DTN: 276-8496
email @ redacted
http://www.digital.com/capacity
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