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Re: [IP] Medical humor



Kasey,
Those are great!  I'm going to use them for sentence problem material in
class!

Kaseyfs wrote:

> I realize that this has absolutely nothing to do with the pump, but I was
> ROTFL after reading this and thought I'd pass it along to give us all some
> relief!!!  Have a great weekend everyone.   :)    ~~Kasey
>
> The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by
> physicians.  They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer,
> Ph.D., for
> the Journal of Court Reporting.
>
> * By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he
> was feeling
> better.
>
> *Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
>
> *The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes
> to his
> feet.
>
> *On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
> completely
> disappeared.
>
> *She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states
> she was very
> hot in bed last night.
>
> *The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
>
> *I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.
>
> *Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.  I have
> suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when
> he stands
> with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
>
> *The patient is tearful and crying constantly.  She also appears to be
> depressed.
>
> *Discharge status:  Alive but without permission.  The patient will need
> disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
>
> *Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
> forgetful.
>
> *The patient refused an autopsy.
>
> *The patient has no past history of suicides.
>
> *The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
>
> *Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
>
> *Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
>
> *The patient's past medical history has been remarkably
> insignificant with
> only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
>
> *She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
> directions in
> early December.
>
> *The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath
> with a
> picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually
> deteriorated in the emergency room.
>
> *The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
> original
> complaints.
>
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