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[IP] Fear and apology

Kate wrote
>  should have read the original post before I opened my big
>  mouth.  I'm sorry.

that's ok....you expressed how YOU felt...c'est la vie...I feel the same as 
you, but every so often I just have to wonder how my parents felt when i was 
a kid...they don't talk about it much...and I don't ask...my dad, when asked, 
said he did his crying in private....he sure didn't show it...don't think he 
could have injected me if my life depended on it...well, it did depend on 
it...good thing mom was tough enough.

>  Being diabetic is so hard at times: dealing with insurance,
>  getting upset when pharmacies don't have any Humalog...having 
> to take that extra shower so you can change your infusion set, 
> having people stare at you in public while you test or shoot up.  

Yes it IS hard, but that is life!  You HAVE to be tough to even exist as a 
"normal" person (and I use that term loosely).  Think how much stronger you 
are, overall, because of diabetes?  Think of the nutrition knowledge yo have, 
the familarity with biology, body chemistry, etc.  If you ever have kids, and 
they break their arm riding a horse and you have to take them to ER, you will 
KNOW how to deal with the insurance company - you won't take crap from 
anyone!  Yes, it sucks ALOT, and YES insurance worries keep me up at night, 
but at least you learn something!

As for "no Humalog on hand"...don't stress about that - there are yukkier 
things than that to worry about!!!  Velosulin or plain old regular can be 
used in the pump - you 
just have to re-adjust your timing a little bit...but it shouldn't be a big 
concern...I know...just another little thing adding to the pile of 

As for the "extra shower"...that is another extra thing you can probably 
eliminate.  Just get a washcloth, some soap and water and voila...your entire 
body doesn't need to be clean...just a square inch or so...or just use plain 
old alcohol to wipe some of the surface gunk off, and skin prep - unless you 
are super susceptible, or roll around in a slop pile, I wouldn't worry about 
an infection.

As for people staring...if they are rude enough to do it...hell with them!!  
Let them get their cheap jollies.  If it grosses them out...who cares...maybe 
they will learn something!  My mama taught me not to stare at mentally or 
physically challenged people, or breast feedng women, or pooping 
dogs...surely a little poke on the finger is no more distracting than that?  
I mean, unless you make a BIG PRODUCTION out of it...I can test walking down 
the street...standing in the subway, on an escalator.  Some people need to 
lay out their stuff...get that alcohol wipe out, change the lancet, blah blah 
blah...i just whip out the pokey and let it rip...

> You don't know how many times I have cried

oh YEAH, i do...probably as much as me, and EVERYONE else on the list, even 
the parents....

>  it would just be easier to pump myself full of insulin and just
>  go to sleep and hope no one finds me until they can't save me.  

if it was so easy, I think there would be a LOT fewer diabetics in general.  
No one  LIKES diabetes...well except maybe MNMD, Disetronic and Eli Lilly, 
but then I don't like cauliflower either...I am not gonna kill myself cause I 
don't like cauliflower, and I hope you won't cause you don't like diabetes, 
and so does your mama and daddy and loved ones!   Diabetes is not easy but 
then neither is Life.  Life is not fair.  anyone that says different is 
trying to sell something.  

>  I would fail everyone who has help
>  bring me to where I am today: 

don't not kill yourself for THEM....Don't do if for you!!!  Kiddo, it is YOUR 
life...your parents birthed ya, the doctors diagnosed you, the specialists 
prodded you...in the end, YOU are the one who has to endure the burden, the 
responsibility, and make the choices!

To quote something I wrote here a while back:
" My struggle with diabetes began when I went on the pump - I am now the 
MASTER of an unwilling beast who keeps trying to rear its ugly head and 
control my life - by making my eyes bleed or whatever.  But before then, it 
was no struggle to eat a box of cookies, take 20 units of regular by syringe 
and if I felt like crap a few hours later, I'd take some more...or eat more 
cookies when I crashed.    The struggle is now "how am I going to defeat it 
TODAY so I can eat cold sesame noodles and some Oreos???"  I make myself test 
and do the things I know I am supposed to do, so that I can eat what I want 
and sleep in when I want and tell doctors to go take a flying leap when I 

You have the power Kate, and the control.  Keep up hte good work!

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