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[IP] To PARENTS--a LONG post about fear

Ok parents,  I am afraid.  I mean, not biting off more than I can chew, or
buying myself future troubles here.......
But I have an intimate question, and PLEASE do not think I am a horrible
mother for saying this.

First off, I have gotten past the "oh, I am such a horrid mother" stage for
leaving supplies behind, and other "it happens" sort of things.  I am sure I
am going to get to go through that again as applies to pump, but it will
Never forget the day, about two months after he was dx'd I got us on the bus
for a long day out, a fun one, and halfway to town realized I had no D
supplies; or the day I got us up and proceeded with a pre-D normal day.  He
ate no breakfast,  we snacked  until about 1pm when I SUDDENLY
remembered---HE IS DIABETIC!!!!  AAAAAA  It had completely slipped my mind.
WEIRD sensation.

So I am guessing you are all wondering why I have called you here.......

Are any of you ever so tired, just so completely emotionally and physically
drained that you are AFRAID to go look and see if your child is still alive?
And have you ever thought, on the 400th night up in a row, when you can't
possibly imagine you have one brain cell is left that is reliably
functioning, that IF your child is gone, he/she will still be gone in  a few
hours after some sleep?

I NEVER  EVER DO leave him....just have had those thoughts a couple of
times.  But it makes me feel TERRIBLY guilty as a person to even just have
thought them.  What horrible part of a person's mind could think that kind
of thought about another person, but ESPECIALLY a helpless child?   My OWN

I guess some days the whole diabetes just becomes more than I can think
about handling for another second, and I wonder how he does it.  I don't
feel guilty about that much, but I feel my thought processes have taken
themselves to the extreme and back at times.

Anyone else?  Even just one parent on here so I don't feel so much like
Hitler in the morning???  Cause I can't go on reading posts from you folks
if I am the only complete flake on the list.

Charisma   ^.  .^
(that is me, biting my fingernails, waiting anxiously)

>  It is scary to hear what  it might be like for my daughter when she has
had those horrible lows.  She
> did a 26 on us once....was that ever fun!

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