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Re: RE:[IP] "Even" the pump doesn't make it disappear.....

I am trying really hard to not be completely defensive in this post.  Being
unaware of the problems that I might have is not particularly my problem.
Some of my earliest childhood memories involve complications of diabetes.
In the 5 years since I've been dx (at age 16), I have watched 3 people I
knew die from complications.  1 was in her 20's, one in his 30's, and one
in her 50's.  I have religiouisly had eye exams (I have since I was 11, and
actually they have got better in the past 3 years or so).  I annually have
24 hour urine done (I have oethostatic protienuria, but the highest my 24
hour urine has ever been is 8, last one was 5).  My cholesterol has been
excellent.  My blood pressure was highish (the highest it got regularly was
about 138/90, and I checked it both on my own and in the doctor's office),
so three years ago I started on Vasotec (also as my internist said, it can
only help my kidneys).  My blood pressure now is usually 110/70.  I watch
my weight (not too closely as it has not been a problem yet).  I make sure
I get some sort of exercise in at least 4 times a week.   I have an
appointment with my internist at least every 3 months, and my endo I try to
see every 3 months as well (but that doesn't always happen because he is so

Since I've been dx, I've had 3 A1c's over 8 (and my record high was 8.4,
which I hit 3 months after pumping).  I am almost always in the high 6's to
low 7's.  I check my blood sugar a minimum of 4 times a day, usually it is
more like 6.  I just have no motivation other than downloading them once a
week.  I don't record boluses or carb counts unless I'm adjusting my basals
(which is about once a month or so).  I truely LIKE healthy food more than
unhealthy food (I love fresh and frozen vegtables, I always have... for
birthday parties as a child I would always ask to have cookies and a veggie
tray instead of cake and ice cream).  But I do eat very randomly.  If I get
up early to work on a project (like 4 am) I usually will fix myself a baked
potato and some green beans.  Then I might not eat a "meal" again until the
mid afternoon.  Then other days I do have a regular breakfast, lunch, and
dinner.  I usually go to bed by midnight, but the times I wake up can vary
greatly.  IF I lived a more consistent life, I MIGHT be able to have better
control.  I really enjoy the life I lead.  I would feel SO stressed if I
HAD to eat at this, that, and that time.  If I HAD to write everything
down.  I really like being flexible.  While I know that it is a very very
real possiblity/probablity I will wind up with complications, I do not want
to let that FEAR drive every move of my life.  Maybe I will regret this
choice later on.  Maybe I am going into the "if your young you are
infallable" fantacy.  Although I do know it is just a fantacy.  Only God
knows the future.  My dad is great at "Do you know what could have's?"
Most of the time, yes I know I could have been struck by lighting because I
walked to my car in a thunderstorm.  Yes I know I could have been in a car
accident when I drove home from school (yes I check my bg every hour I
drive).  Yes, I know I could have broken my wrist when I was learning to
rollerblade.  Yes, I know the slushy I ate could have sent me sky high (but
I did bolus for it correctly, and usually in an hour and a half I'm back in
target, and boy did it taste good!).  Yes, I know I could have had a Diet
Coke instead while my friends had theirs.  Yes I know a lot of bad things
"could have" happened or might happen, but I really don't want to stop
living in fear of any of those.

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