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[IP] It not so bad.....AHHHHHH

Pumpers & Friends,
    Today I had a fool tell me I was lucky just to have DM. I almost hit
him. Yes it did not kill me in a short time but it did change my life and it
is killing me. In alot of ways it is hard on me and everyone around me. DM
kill my mother, the last 7years of her life I had to help take care of her,
she almost lost her leg but  she told the doctor NO you fix it the best way
you know but removing it was not how to fix it. I think of all the things I
have not been able to do because of DM, the jobs I lost, the  friends that
just didn't understand what it is like to lives with it.
    The last 18 years have been such fun with gastroparesis, the throwing up
everyday, the pain, lost of control of everything in my life. The Da**  low
BS and the seizures because of them. It is just a joy to wake up and not
know where you are or how you got there or who are all the people around
you. To lost control of your bowels, to know where every bathroom is on a
trip be it going to the local store or across the country. The pain in my
gut so bad that at times I just want to have the doctor just cut it out.
    The fear I feel everytime I read about other people problems with their
eyes ........(Sara I hope you are better)...  for I only have one eye to
work with anymore because I lost my left eye many years ago. My kidneys are
not in the best shape. And now the  peripheral neuropathy is causing me to
feel pain in my arms and my back is on fire. And all this when I get back
the best A1C I have ever had.
     I know that soon I will be back on the IV's because that is the only
way the doctors can get the food and drugs into me to kept me alive. I have
had tubes placed in me on and off for the last ten years.  I was able to
work until a year ago now I can't even do anything.  Doing anything from
sitting at a ball game or working around the house is very hard to do any
more. Going to see a movie is a problem to do I need to take a nap before I
go .
    But I will not give up, I have someone who loves me(Kim I love you and
you bring a smile to my face everyday). Everyday I get up do as many thing
that I can, I try to learn something new, try to get stronger, go see
friends, write the ones I can't see. I have plans for the things I will do
in the next ten years. I learned from my mother to say NO to DM , to live
life to the fullest. To love and be loved , to make a new friend everyday,
to help others, to learn something new everyday, to enjoy life. So remember
ps:yes it is bad!!!!!!!!!!! I hate it and I hope and pray for a cure today
but until one is found I will work with my pump to kept me alive

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