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Re: [IP] Emotional Reality
On 19 Mar 99 at 7:22, Natalie A. Sera wrote:
> But I was trying to figure out WHY I do this -- it's really an exercise
> in futility -- and I realized that what I've been doing is playing an
> intellectual GAME -- the mechanics of day-to-day DM care are an
> intellectual challenge, sorta like playing a video game -- let's see, if
> we do this, what kind of numbers can we get?
It can be a challenge, and it's OK to view it as a game. But it's a game we
only win if we maintain our perspective and realize that it is a high-stakes
game with the deck stacked against us...
> However, it's like viewing DM through a pane of glass, or through the TV
> -- it's there, but it really CAN'T touch me, and I can walk away from
> it, can't I??
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and for a moment think I'm
waking up from a nightmare and it's back in 1982 and I had a dream that I had
diabetes... then I feel the pump or see the bottle of sugar tabs sitting on top
of the clock... and realize that it isn't something I'll wake from. Then I
just lie there and cry for a while (yeah, I know... but I ain't that macho.)
The last time this happened - about four weeks ago - my wife woke up and asked
me what was wrong... I told her and she held me and cried with me... I think
we all sometimes just want to walk away from this... and from what I've
learned in my training and experiences this is a normal human reaction....
> And even though when I walk away from it, it BITES me, I still haven't
> been able to break the pane of glass, and admit it's really there, and
> not just some image on a screen.
> I really need to be the lion tamer in the cage with the REAL lions, and
> not the joystick junkie PRETENDING to tame the lions!
Stage one of getting a handle on it... try to become active, proactive and jump
in... but sometimes I really want someone else to take over and relieve me for
a while. This pilot's seat can get really tiring...
> And if I'm to be honest, I think the pump is still in the category of
> joystick, and somehow I need to convert it to a whip!
Joystick, whip, or whatever - it's still a tool... Use it to gain control
instead of being controlled.... and recognize that we are all in this
Even preachers have bad days... when you can get us to admit it...
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