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Re: [IP] Emotional Reality

On 19 Mar 99 at 7:22, Natalie A. Sera wrote:

> But I was trying to figure out WHY I do this -- it's really an exercise
> in futility -- and I realized that what I've been doing is playing an
> intellectual GAME -- the mechanics of day-to-day DM care are an
> intellectual challenge, sorta like playing a video game -- let's see, if
> we do this, what kind of numbers can we get?

It can be a challenge, and it's OK to view it as a game.  But it's a game we 
only win if we maintain our perspective and realize that it is a high-stakes 
game with the deck stacked against us...

> However, it's like viewing DM through a pane of glass, or through the TV
> -- it's there, but it really CAN'T touch me, and I can walk away from
> it, can't I??

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and for a moment think I'm 
waking up from a nightmare and it's back in 1982 and I had a dream that I had 
diabetes... then I feel the pump or see the bottle of sugar tabs sitting on top 
of the clock... and realize that it isn't something I'll wake from.  Then I 
just lie there and cry for a while (yeah, I know... but I ain't that macho.)  
The last time this happened - about four weeks ago - my wife woke up and asked 
me what was wrong...  I told her and she held me and cried with me...  I think 
we all sometimes just want to walk away from this...  and from what I've 
learned in my training and experiences this is a normal human reaction....

> And even though when I walk away from it, it BITES me, I still haven't
> been able to break the pane of glass, and admit it's really there, and
> not just some image on a screen. 
> I really need to be the lion tamer in the cage with the REAL lions, and
> not the joystick junkie PRETENDING to tame the lions!

Stage one of getting a handle on it... try to become active, proactive and jump 
in...  but sometimes I really want someone else to take over and relieve me for 
a while.  This pilot's seat can get really tiring...

> And if I'm to be honest, I think the pump is still in the category of
> joystick, and somehow I need to convert it to a whip!

Joystick, whip, or whatever - it's still a tool...  Use it to gain control 
instead of being controlled....  and recognize that we are all in this 

Even preachers have bad days...  when you can get us to admit it...


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