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[IP] Emotional Reality

I had an insight into my troubles in accepting the reality of DM.

Those who've known me for a while know that I periodically go off
insulin to prove to myself that I really DO have DM. Of course, every
time, my BGs deteriorate, and I start to feel icky, and so I go back on.
But I've done this repeatedly -- never seem to learn! 

But I was trying to figure out WHY I do this -- it's really an exercise
in futility -- and I realized that what I've been doing is playing an
intellectual GAME -- the mechanics of day-to-day DM care are an
intellectual challenge, sorta like playing a video game -- let's see, if
we do this, what kind of numbers can we get?

However, it's like viewing DM through a pane of glass, or through the TV
-- it's there, but it really CAN'T touch me, and I can walk away from
it, can't I??

And even though when I walk away from it, it BITES me, I still haven't
been able to break the pane of glass, and admit it's really there, and
not just some image on a screen. 

I really need to be the lion tamer in the cage with the REAL lions, and
not the joystick junkie PRETENDING to tame the lions!

And if I'm to be honest, I think the pump is still in the category of
joystick, and somehow I need to convert it to a whip!


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Natalie A. Sera, with all her ducks in a row!
Type Weird, pumping!
mailto:email @ redacted

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  Can YOU find the ugly duckling? (hint: It's NOT the pumperduck!!)
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