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Relationships and Diabetes (was Re: [IP] new 'set sites')



Ruth wrote:
>I had this sudden sense of deja vu reading this -- I could have written
this
>about 5 years ago!

Hell, I could have written this about 3 MONTHS ago.  Actually, I'm about to
write it again, indirectly.


>The funny thing is that since I met my husband and we, well,  got intimate,
>all those troublesome awkward things went away.

Yup, same here.  My current girlfriend is an absolute dream about my
diabetes.
She accepts it and understands it without being overly anxious about it.
When
we first started dating she warned me that she "wasn't going to be
involved".
Now she asks me what my BG is (and took the time to learn what the answer to
that question means) and in general is reasonably aware of things.  (She
claims now that "not involved" means she isn't going to start doing things
like
counting carbs with me (her example, which is really cute considering that
back
when she said that she had no idea what carb counting WAS ;-)

As for the actual intimate moments with the pump, well, for the most part
we've
found the pump just doesn't (usually) get in the way; it doesn't really
require
too much in the way of "special attention".  She ripped through the tape
once
during our first night together, but since then we've learned to adapt.  I
sometimes disconnect now (bolusing for the expected basal loss) during our
more, er, energetic romps, but usually just leave the pump connected and out
of the way on the bed (nearby table, ledge by the tub, clipped to my
MedAlert
necklace, whatever's convenient at the time.  Hey, in a way the pump has
been
kinda fun, letting us get creative with what to do with it ;-)


Ok, as a warning, that was the end of pump-related content, so anyone who
doesn't want to see a topic drift should select their mail reader's "Next"
or "Delete" command now. ;-)


>I think one thing that helps is that my husband is very comfortable
touching
>both the pump and me (after all those drs.  I thought I was the too ugly to
>touch!).

Ok, the "too ugly to touch" bit got my attention.  I felt (sometimes still
feel) the same way about myself (yes, ladies, guys develop similar hangups
;-)

I was dx'ed at age 3.  As supportive as my parents were, I grew up feeling
like an outsider, and never had a real serious relationship until now
(Actually, sometimes I think my mother was a bit TOO protective and ended up
contributing to that "outsider" feeling, but that's another issue...)

So now at age 28 I'm finally in a relationship that's pretty serious.  And,
as
it turns out, my girlfriend also grew up with serious medical complications
(not diabetes, but something equally messy, actually probably far messier,
in
terms of developing psyches...)  One of the reasons we're so comfortable
with
each other (and we can admit this) is because we can *identify* with each
other.  (The irony is, my girlfriend and I have known each other 12 years --
we went to high school together.  At the time neither of us could POSSIBLY
have talked to the other about any of this.  We met up again in November
after
a few years of little contact, and this time there was an instant connection
that had just never been there before...)

Anyway, does anyone know of any real studies done on the effects of
long-term-
non-terminal illness (young-onset diabetes, DES daughters, etc.) on social
and psychological development?  I've been REALLY curious about this for a
long
time, it became more prominent when I started dating my girlfriend and
realized
she had similar problems growing up, and now Ruth's comment -- there has to
be
SOMETHING there, no?  (And sorry, Ruth, if I read too much into that side
comment ;-)


--
Greg Legowski    ICQ# 1686721    http://www.pobox.com/~gregleg
"Brian was looking for someone a little more feminine.  And he
found him." -- Lilith on "Frasier"

Insulin-Pumpers website   http://www.bizsystems.com/Diabetes/