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[IP] Re: Doing too much for my son

At 9:30 AM -0600 6/24/00, Lori Kissick wrote:
>weighing food etc. so I can imagine how he would feel if he was 
>doing it all. Any way I am going  on and on  do I do too much should 
>I be doing less for him and  make him remember to do these things.
>Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you  Lori

Hi Lori,

I'm the diabetic one in the family, but I wanted to comment on your 
question--not because I have any hard and fast answers, but because I 
think it's such an important question for parents and I've often 
wondered about it.

I was 15 when I was diagnosed, so I started out doing the majority of 
the DM management for myself, but I certainly didn't do anywhere near 
the job I probably should have done. I also have an 11-year-old son, 
and I, like you, can't imagine making him do all the DM stuff that I 
have to do for himself.

I really wondered about this question of when a DM child should start 
to do things for him or herself when one of the nurse-practioners at 
my high-risk ob.'s office mentioned the problems that they were 
having with a patient. The patient was about 20, married, pregnant, 
and having immense trouble with her bgs. As was the usual practice in 
that office, a n-p would call this woman every 2-3 days, take down 
her bgs, consult with the doc, then call her back with any changes in 
dosages, etc. The n-p felt that part of the problem was that they 
would always talk to this woman on the phone, but it was her mother 
who was still doing a great deal of the woman's DM management. (The 
nurse-practioners knew this because the patient ended up in the 
hospital a couple of times to get back in control.)

It just started me thinking--when *would* you "hand over the reins," 
so to speak? I know from my own experience that there's likely to be 
at least an initial decline in good control as the 
child/teen/whatever gets used to doing things--and figuring out *why* 
you need to do these things. But it does make sense that, at some 
point, kids have to learn to do it for themselves. And my feeling is 
that it's often an uneasy and difficult process for parents.

But a child psychologist friend of ours once told me that if a child 
wasn't doing his or her homework, you needed to back off and let the 
kid either do it, or face the consequences of not doing it--even if 
that meant flunking a class. Yikes! So far, Logan does his homework 
without too much prodding, and I'm not sure I could back off that 
much. And with DM, we're talking about life-threatening stuff, not 
just a failed class.

FWIW, I don't think you're doing too much for Ryan, and you're 
probably ahead of the game because you're thinking about this issue 
early. Thanks for letting me ruminate!


Jenny Nash
email @ redacted
Type 1 diabetes since 1/31/73, pumping on a D. since 10/3/95.
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