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[IP] Re: for Rod -- philsophical, Christian

Don't read this if Christian philosophising upsets you.  I think that there
are some who might like to read parts though, so I decided to copy it for
the list.

Control is a pain, yet we've been preached and preached control for all of
our (at least D) lives.  Mine (control that is) is begining to shadow yours
Rod.  It's scary, but I'm doing better --- thanks in part to this guy with
the terrific attitude in Omaha.  Attitudes need tending and reinforcement
though and being told to slow down, stop working, be "D and Disabled" is a
downer, no doubt about it.

I read a book (or am reading -- it's not exactly a fast read) that has
helped me a lot, it's called Out of Control and Loving It.  I can't find it
right now or I'd give you the author -- I'l bet that a Christian bookstore
could do a search and come up with it though.  Although it is written from a
feminine perspective, I don't think that is very important here.  Basically
it's about giving up the control and giving it to God.  I'm Catholic, pretty
conservative, definately not the more flamboyant type of born again
Christian ( not that I think that's wrong, just illustrating that I am not
perhaps as susceptible to a particular type of philosophy).  I don't believe
that I have diabetes as some sort of punishment.  Yet, I have subscribed to
the control philosophy of life for sooooo long.  I forgot a few things (not
that I thought that I was doing anything other than caring for myself as God
would want me to).  But, I am not in control of my life.  My actions
influence results, my God is in control.  I don't think that God wants bad
things either, but perhaps my definition of bad is not reality.  I haven't
worked through the kinks.  I still have a really tough time when the Zofran
isn't cutting it and I start thinking about my 3, 6 and 9 year olds and
wondering why my A1c's just keep going up and have (seemingly) zero
correlation to my meter averages from tests that are taken 10x a day and
night.  While I would have killed for the "easy wight loss plan" a year ago,
I don't need to lose any more, let alone 10 a month.

My job is helping me a lot.  I'm working in a large (for this area anyway --
over 500 bed) Catholic hospital.  We have "mission" meetings that talk about
why we are working.  I'm a technocrat, but I have to have a mission --
background plus 15 years as an environmental engineer probably helped form
this.  The day starts with prayer and the flag salute.  The mission is truly
the first item considered when projects are evaluated.  People are not there
to be used up and thrown away -- not even our competitors.  Life is not
perfect, we still discover leaking underground petroleum lines, adults still
behave like two year olds sometimes.  My life has a purpose again though.  I
love going to work.  I have a good disability policy if I end up in your
shoes, my family gets 35% of my salary if I die in addition to life

What does this have to do with you, at this point in your life?  You said
that you have always been physically active, at work for the last 30 (?)
years.  There are really good places to be.  Places that do NOT discriminate
based on health status, that will allow part time work or would love to have
a volunteer with life experience (if they don't have an official opening)
define one and make themselves useful.  I'm a worker bee.  I feel much worse
if I allow myself to not keep going on.  Somedays though, I need to have the
chapel available.  One of our chaplains was one of the priest at our wedding
and is a good friend.  Dave is always available, mass happens every day at
4.  My priorities have been rearranged a bit with this newest challenge.  I
still adhere to a lifelong philosophy of winners never quit, but I also
acknowledge that I can't control all of the variables.
Take care, prayers and Christ's love,

Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.bizsystems.com/Diabetes/
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