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[IP] crystal's cheesecake

Crystal wrote:
> I want to grab a piece of Cheesecake, and there are really bad days when 
> I do, and regret the act when I am sittingin my restroom on the floor 
> moaning from being so dehydrated.  

No no no Crystal!!!  IT is not a BAD day!  It is a GOOD day!  You can eat 
all the damn chhesecake you want!  You just have to know how much to bolus 
for it!  That is the whole POINT of using the pump!!!

17 years isn't enough!  you are going to live to be 70 or 80 years old...Then 
you, like Buddy and Yerachmiel can say you've had it 50 years or more and
maybe JUST maybe, that will be enough, and you will say it AS YOU EAT another

This next part is WAY blasphemous, so either skip it, or just accept it as 
my personal belief and dont get all upset.  BAD is a word invented by an 
uncaring, dictatorial "god," and by the men who interpreted what they thought 
was his "word" when they wrote the bible.  They had to create bad and evil 
and the devil, otherwise how would we stupid, blind humans understand how 
"good" god was?  Hopefully whatever god you believe in is a loving, caring 
one who would never do anything BAD.  or create anything BAD.  

This word "BAD" has been picked up by our parents and our doctors and 
teachers and all our lives we are told we are BAD when we choose to do 
something those particular authority figures decide is less than positive 
choices!  My doctor told me it was BAD to eat vanilla wafers for breakfast...
despite the fact that 6 of them are on the ADA exchange diet as EQUAL to a 
slice of bread...and they have less fat than I would be adding if I made the
bread toast!  

You write:  
> I do realize that is where I must place the blame, but it doesn't make me 
any less angry.     

Because you can't blame yourself and expect to feel any better!  Don't take
blame!  Take the credit.  It isn't the PUMP that is making your A1Cs better -
is you!!!!!!!

> This disease has started to suck 

I missed the part where it didn't suck...just ignoring diabetes and not taking
of onesself doesn't make it suck any less ya know ;-)

> It feels like a burden and I keep asking God why it is there?  And if it
> is there to make me stronger why am I so weak?

You are NOT weak and you are NOT bad.  You need to re-evaluate your 
priorities and find strength in your beliefs...NOT weakness.  

I know you havent given up...we can all relate to wendy and sue and Debbie
and Rod and Janine and Renee and Melissa and Buddy and Megan and Lily and 
Darrin and...on and on.  We don't feel "sorry" for them.  We can empathize 
and understand and that's all ANY of us really want!  I don't think by my 
venting about my F&^!@^&!ing eyes that Mary Jean is going to be able to "DO" 
anything about it, but I know she understands a little - not necessarily cuz 
she has any retinopathy, but cuz she can empathize.

> I don't want to ever take my own life, 

Then don't let anyone or any "thing" else take it either!!

> I do get the "guilties" for being the selfish person who wishes to be rid of
condition I was plagued with 

JOIN THE CLUB kiddo!  "Guilt" is another word invented by them folks that
invented "Bad."  

> before I knew the real meaning of life 

Do ya know now?  Can you fill me in, cuz I sure haven't found the answer.

> I am not coming across as this woman who hates life 

NAHHHH - you sound HUMAN and that is TOTALLY cool and completely expected.
Believe me, many of us have been in your exact Nikes, at college, with boys
and beers and classes and binges...and diabetes.  so PLEASE, continue to vent.

We know you love life despite the potholes...now all we need is a city hall
that can fix these BIG ones...and maybe that is where JDF comes in???

Kick Ass on your report!!

Sara - who still can't see S**T but who loves this group anyway
Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.bizsystems.com/Diabetes/
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