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[IP] losing sight of our goals

I think Beth hit it on the head when she said:

> I think my eyesight is the complication that worries 
> me the most. 

How many of you, when you were younger and you read the Helen Keller story or
saw the movie, asked, "if you had a choice between being deaf or being blind
which would you pick."  I know for me, I picked being deaf, - and this was
before I had the CONCEPT that complications actually COULD take my sigh away!
I had no problem learning the sign language alphabet and I have worked with
deaf kids and adults and have tried to learn a little ASL...but working with
BLIND people, or trying to learn Braille!  forget it!!

Our vision is the most immediate thing we think about when we are forced to
think about complications (and yes force is the word I meant).  We have all
closed our eyes and pretended to be blind,  played pin the tail on the donkey,
turned the bedroom light out and then stumbled across the room to find the
bed, only to trip over the laundry basket...all this was ok, cuz we knew we
COULD just have turned the light on, or taken the blind fold off.  We can't
"play" at dialysis, or amputation or stroke, but we can vividly and accurately
imagine blindness.

For those of us with retinopathy, facing or having already faced lasers and
vitrectomies, it scares the S**T out of us to think maybe we wont be able to
turn the light on someday or take the blind fold off.  Maybe we won't ever see
the faces of our loved ones, or oft-dreamed about vistas in a foreign land.
For those of us who do crafts...how do you do counted cross stitch on 18 count
AIDA cloth if you can't see...and I can't even do the 8 count AIDA right

For those of you without complications, I sure hope you count yourself lucky,
for you are - but please don't get lulled by thinking that even after 20 years
you still dont have any complications that you wont ever, that by being
diligent with your child NOW will prevent any of the S**T from happening later
- mybe it will and maybe it won't.  It is a crap shoot, and while we can
certainly load the dice in our favor by starting out on the right
foot...sometimes it just dont matter - look at Melissa with her kidney
problems after less than 5 years of diabetes...then there is Tanya who has had
21 years of complication free existence!  

As Janine wrote to me recently, "it is truly unfair that outcomes are not
causally linked to [our control] when it comes to complications."

Of course, you can NOT live your life in FEAR of having a complication...you
must not bottle it up, as Darrin so eloquently wrote.  Everyone is different
and not everyone WANTS to wear rose colored glasses.  I like to think it is my
BAD attitude and ability to vent my negative feelings that has enabled me and
empowered me to stand up for my self when faced by so-called medical
professionals and other good-intentioned but mis-informed persons.

I saw a Broadway play last night, and was very depressed at the end because it
was an absurdist play and this guy wrote something on the wall - everyone
around my laughed and was going "ohhhh."  I couldn't read it, cuz my eye that
isn't bleeding has double vision due to the vitrectomy, so my entire play
going experience was ruined by diabetes!  What he wrote, gave meaning to the
entire play...and I couldn't see it.  excuse my language but dammit that
pisses me off!

*-)=B xoxx      <-------- still waiting for the vitamin E to make this

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