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[IP] my war with my body

Before i begin my rant, i'd like to beg those of you
who feel i'm whining or otherwise just think i should
grow up to simply erase this email.  I get insulted
almost every time i post to this list, and to be
honest, i don't need it.  Not when i'm trying to keep
from dying.

Ok.  So i buckled down and found a way to maintain
better control.  in two months i've dropped a point
from my a1c.  However doing so has revealed basal rate
and other issues.  One of them keeps trying to kill me.

I exercise slightly irregularly. (well, regularly AND
irregularly)  Every month or two in the summer i go on
a retreat at which i exercise simply by being there,
and walking up the hill to the bathroom, and over to
the volleyball court, and up the hill to the pool.  I
try to maintain a slightly higher sugar because of it. 
But even though i carried a 200 all day as soon as i
tried to bring it down, i crashed.  And honestly, my
friends really don't need this.  Not to mention
whatever long term effects constant diabetic comas
cause to my body.  

I'm tired of crashing.

I'm tired of seeing my boyfriend's face when i wake up
soaked and freezing in the hallway wearing an oxygen
mask and an IV.  I'm tired of scaring people, keeping
them up because they're trying to make sure i wake up,
and realizing that again, i could have died.  I'm tired
of being the example held up by those men who "don't
want the caretaker part" about which somebody else was
ranting last month.

The absolute only thing i could have done different
would have been get up, go up the hill to where i'd
left my meter and test at bedtime.  And if my sugar had
been over 100, since it was 203 at 8pm it could have
been, then what? 


I'm past the upset period where i'm grasping for what i
can do, thankfully, this post last night would have
been far less coherent.  But I need options.  the
exercise isn't going away, the trips aren't going away,
my basal rates are 100% better (though i don't think
they're 100% right yet) and i'm eating right...

So what's left?  I spose i could have had fudge
saturday night, but i passed on it because i'm trying
to eat right, and because of another disease i have
that makes eating anything i didn't make slightly
dangerous.  i ate light yoghurt for desert.  RIGHT
before bed.  All of my meals were slightly oversized,
and i took a sum total of six units of isulin as
boluses all day. (i usually take 12-14)

So again, what's left?
Does anybody do high exercise weekend trips?  How do
you keep from crashing?

Miki Tracey
email @ redacted

He's a shy gay sorceror on the run. She's a tortured 
junkie mermaid living on borrowed time. They fight 
street.org/fightcrime.htm - Try Again
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