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[IP] Caretaker Thread

Although I've been a diabetic for 46 years, this is not my story but the 
 story of a couple I've known for 26 of those years. Ms S is the wife, who had a
family history of diabetes but was diagnosed at her daughters pregnancy after 
 six years of marriage. Mr S is the husband who supported his wife through
radical masectomy and reconstruction, kidney transplant,  multiple laser 
 surgeries for vision problems, many late nights with lows & coma causing highs,
 and a rash of other problems. They took what life threw at them and moved on -
becoming successful leaders ( which is where I met them), purchased an 
envelope when they found ballooning was something they both enjoyed, raised a 
 daughter with perceptual problems into a very good young lady and welcomed a
fellow into their lives who became their son in law.

Mr S. goes in for abdominal surgery to correct a problem.  While the surgeons 
were inside, they forget to reconnect a to b, sew up Mr S. and two days later 
send him home.  Four days post surgery Mr S is internally infected, back on 
the table, surgery done right, and is hospitalized for a good period of time 
and then is in the lawyers office to seek his day in court (off subject).  Two 
 months later, Mr & Ms S are divorced after 30 years of marriage and the off the
record reason was Mr S gave was - 'I've realized life is too short to spend 
 the rest of it as a caretaker - I want some time for me.' Some of the friends
thought that was cruel but it was a statement he felt was factual.  I've just 
come off a cruise that included the former Ms S and she had as good a time as 
the rest of the group.  She had her time of needing care as did I and the 
 rest of the group ( 5 diabetics, 3 people using C-paps, youngest of group was
and oldest was 73).  

Was Mr S. wrong in what he did - I don't think so.  There are times when 
 anybody could need care and there are times when you can give it and times when
you can't. And these times change and the people who give or get change.  And 
realizing those times is what makes a relationship.  If a possible signifigant 
other says this is something I can handle, that's great.  If the same person 
 says this is something I can't handle, then move on without bittereness and, if
possible, undeserved regret.  There are caregivers and receivers amoung us and 
we might have both roles many times in our lives - hopefully there are enough 
actors to fill all life roles but sometimes there aren't - yet the show goes 

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