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[IP] relationships and the big D

While it's never easy to deal with rejection, I actually think there is an
interesting point here, worth mentioning.

My boyfriend pointed out to me, that most people our age (early-mid 20's)
are not comfortable with the idea of illness, particularly one that is
chronic.  The last man I was in a long-term relationship (nearly 4
years!!!!) never learned to think about when and where our next meal was
coming from.  Particularly when I was on MDI, I needed to keep track of
how I was going to "feed" the long acting insulins, and the like.  He
never claimed to be "bothered" by my diabetes.  And even learned to give
me a shot, and check my blood sugar (despite a strong aversion to needles
in general).  And while I never asked him to be my "care taker", in the
end one of the major problems I had with him was his lack of awareness of
the realities that I faced.

Although the incident that brought up this subject seems to certainly
qualify as "rude", if after 3 or 4 dates, someone realizes that they can't
handle what I have to live with, I wouldn't necessarily consider them
horrible.  If they don't have a strong emotional bond to me, there's
little reason for them to want to deal with the daily trials of highs and
lows, miscounted carbs, pump alarms etc.  It seems much worse to me for
someone to develop a long term relationship with someone and then fail to
be supportive of those conditions which are not a choice.  I think all of
us would be happy to drop the daily worries of diabetes if we could, we
have no choice, however.  For those people around us, who help us to carry
the burden (which we know can vary from the weight of a large planet, to
something that seems less than a feather!) I think we all owe a vote of

For those people with D looking for a partner to share their lives with,
remember that you /will/ be sharing diabetes too, in whatever way you
share your job, your friends, your family, etc.  If someone has the
presence of mind to say, "I can't deal." we can only hope that they will
learn and grow in time. For now, know that there are lots of folks out
there who are supportive and loving through all sorts of conditions and
events, and we are "lucky" (or unlucky) enough to have a little litmus
test with which to screen out those who can't.

(who's trying to see the "other person's" point of view)

Jessica Marder
email @ redacted
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