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[IP] Re:Single and scared
I feel scared, I do not sleep at night, and have no
> motivation do do anything. Maybe I've been in denial about my disease for
> the last 43 years, and I desperately hope to find a man who I can be
> interdependent with and still have support.
The advice to ask for help with depression is good, and depression
medication helped me a lot. I've had diabetes for 36 years (got it when I
was 12) and recently was divorced after 23 years of marriage, so I have some
experiences similar to yours.
I have found counseling helpful in dealing with the fear (not instead of
medication, in addition to). My biggest fear when I had to start living
alone was that I would have problems with my diabetes that I needed another
person to spot, and might die from them. So far (2 1/2 years), I'm still
with the living. If it would help the anxiety level, though, you might want
to look for a roommate or look for a place to live like an apartment with
neighbors who 'take an interest' as it were. I don't know you, so I don't
know what would help with the fear, except that it is a very normal response
to sudden loss, and you aren't in denial if you do things (like get a
roommate or a dog) that help you cope with the scared feelings. You are
scared because you are suddenly in a scary situation -- one which is being
blamed on you and your diabetes.
On that topic, I think that a counselor could also help you with the
blame/guilt feelings. Objectively, it is unlikely that you having no
hypoglycemic episodes would have 'saved' your marriage, and your ex is being
less than fully candid about his reasons for leaving. You may never know
the 'real' reason, which may be a problem that you have interacting with a
problem that he has, or may be entirely 'his fault', but you can probably
use some help believing that something that is as much a part of your whole
life as diabetes isn't dooming your personal relationships to failure.
Two months is a very short time to cope with a loss like this. I can
promise you that your life and emotional state will get better in time,
especially if you take steps to make it better. Your Physician and CDE
might counsel you to wait until your emotional life settles down, but I also
found it helpful to do the CGMS test (3 days of wearing something that
records your BG every 5 min or so) to help adjust my basals so I wasn't
having hypoglycemia in the night. Waking up with adrenaline pounding
through you is not a good way to get a restful night's sleep, and if there
needs to be adjustment in your basals, the CGMS test helps pinpoint your
particular pattern and where you need the adjustments (in my case, it was
much earlier in the night than when we had been trying to adjust).
Sorry this is so long. Please feel free to e-mail me privately if you would
find it helpful.
Take care, and hang in there,
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