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[IP] What not to say or do cont.LONG

Basically, I concur with everyone that it is wrong to punish a child for 
something they can't help like diabetes. When I was 12, a spanking would NOT 
have helped a high or low, nor would it have encouraged me in any way.  If I 
had not been TAUGHT properly how to deal or respond to something, how could 
I, logically, be punished for it...BUT I do not agree with Paula's statement:

> Do not punish them for anything relating to their diabetes.  
> It makes it seem even more unfair.  I used to get punished for 
> sneaking sweets, forgetting my diabetic paraphanlia....forgetting  my
> snack at school or to take a shot at home.  

Diabetes is as much a part of a child's life as are his wisdom teeth, poopy 
diapers and scraped knees.  To treat D as "separate" is to do a child a 
dis-service!  Who else is supposed to guide us through this learning 
experience?   If not mom/dad, then who?  the doctor?  god?  some book?  a 
school teacher?  I think not.  True, accidents happen and a child does not 
need punishment every time they do, but think about it...parents raise kids 
to become self sufficient, contributing and hopefully LIVING members of 
society.  Don't parents punish kids who doesn't follow the rules they set up? 
 Shouldn't grounding be in order if a 15 year old misses his 10pm curfew, 
doesn't call home, and then wanders in at 2am?  Wouldn't a child be made 
aware of doing wrong, and perhaps even punished, if he had swung the cat by 
its tail, or forgotten his glasses when he got behind the wheel of a car, or 
for speeding through the neighborhood.  

Or would it be better to WAIT until he calls from ER at 2 AM to tell you he 
had been in an accident and THEN drive home those rules about calling if you 
are going to be late...would you wait until he hit someone to enforce the 
wearing of prescription glasses, or got a ticket for speeding that causes 
your insurance rates to go up?  Are you gonna WAIT til the complications set 
in and THEN set down some parameters of expected behavior for your diabetic 

I can't have a twinkie...that is unfair...but folks Diabetes IS unfair, just 
as LIFE is unfair and any parent that teaches their child different is wrong, 
in my childless, yet humble opinion.  Just cuz you work hard, do your 
homework and keep your blood sugar under 140 does not guarantee you a 6 
figure income or a complication free life.  I think learning HOW to live, how 
to cope with what what you get in this crap shoot,  is something children 
NEED to be taught by their parents, and that includes learning how to live 
with diabetes.  We need to be taught how to make STRONG choices (and not just 
with Diabetes things), as well as what the consequences will be if we make 
WEAK choices (and again, not just with Diabetes!).

While kids do not need to be humiliated or embarrassed, and not every offense 
deserves a spanking or grounding, (though some do), it is still the parents 
*Responsibility* to teach right from wrong, and how being "naughty" can 
result in a punishment...  "Right" is eating properly, taking your insulin, 
wearing your seatbelt, not smoking, driving safely, doing your homework, not 
lying and learning how to accommodate for a package of Oreos.  "Improper or 
WEAK choices" would include skipping shots, forgetting snacks, being late 
without calling, cheating at school, not picking up your insulin when sent to 
the store with money to get it, and refusing to take part in the care of your 
diabetes.  Sure, at age 12 I don't think I would have been able to figure it 
ALL out, despite being as intelligent as my parents tell me I was, but rather 
than a "mere" yelling when they found all those ice cream bar wrappers, I 
think I needed to be punished!  Spanked?  Grounded? I don't know.  Something 
from my figures of authority to drive home the lesson that my 
irresponsibility was NOT just a silly game, and not something I should expect 
to get away with again!  Actions (punishment) speaks louder than words 

Accidents happen, but that is why this is called LIFE, and not death.  Life 
is a series of non-fatal accidents.  My pal Barb didn't test her blood and 
didn't recognize the signs of hypo as she sped 70 mph down a city street, and 
as a result, she and two innocent people are dead.  If we don't learn from 
our mistakes so we can avoid doing them again and live longer, then what is 
the point?  Barb's mistake certainly taught me something!!! It was a 
"spanking" I was glad to receive, and one I wish she had had the opportunity 
to learn from.  

My parents provided me with an excellent childhood and empowered me with an 
independent spirit that has always served me well.  If anything, I wish they 
had been more aware of what I was doing as a child.  Mom would say things 
like "are you sure you can eat that?" (like she didnt have access to the same 
ADA exchange book that I had...) and of course I said yes!   To this day, 
when I say, for example, "my bg is 123" I can count on a "is that good?" 
response from them.  I LIED about my urine test results...and of course noone 
ever actually wanted to see the strip.  Mom brought me to the doctor 
regularly and provided whatever they told her to do for me, and to her 
credit, she did not get mad at me when I took it upon myself to cuss out a 
stupid doctor and walk out on him when I was 17 (different story), but about 
then is when I started to take over full control anyway.  Our conversations 
were roughly the same as Sherry's - laughable, but remember..I have made a 
CAREER out of being an actress...even if my actual strip said 4+ sugar and 
moderate ketones, I could sell a normal blood sugar like nobody you ever 

I was TRUSTED with the responsibility of my diabetes, and I am sure they felt 
they were doing best by allowing me the control, but I think they might have 
given THIS particularly willful and strong minded 10 year old too much 
power!!  I still needed to be taught right from wrong.  

> Other kids didn't get grounded for a week for trying to sneak a twinkie 
> into their lunch box.  I hated that the worst.

The question to ask is "Did you ever do it again?"  And even if you did, 
didn't you KNOW there might be consequences?  Sure when you are 12, the 
threat of future complications for eating a twinkie NOW isn't that much of a 
deterrent...but how about the threat of a week with no after school 
activities???  It would have worked for me.  I never borrowed the car without 
asking permission, after a week of not being able to use it at all...I never 
made long distance calls without asking, after a month with NO phone in my 
room!!!  I was pretty much a model child, except for the diabetes, so when I 
DID do something wrong, and was punished, it MEANT something.  I think that 
is the premise behind punishment.  Once rules and parameters are set, it is 
the parents job to make sure they are upheld, and hopefully the kids will 
grow up an intelligent, healthy, contributing member of society, instead of 
delinquent losers who whine and complain and want someone else to take care 
of their problems.

Hindsight is not always 20/20; my punishment for eating all those ice cream 
bars and candy without regard for the consequences is retinopathy  - a 
"spanking" that my great control for the last 7 years can never diminish.  I 
would gladly trade it for a month of being grounded - hell a year of no phone 
would not even bum me out too much at this point...bet I would have learned 
the lesson that ice cream bars, without proper carb counting, are not STRONG 
or RIGHT choices for me.

A parent doesn't have to single a child out, embarrass him or otherwise abuse 
him for screwing up diabetes-wise, but it is your job to TEACH and point the 
way!!   If you feel "bad" about punishing your child for something diabetes 
related, think how bad my mom must feel when I have to tell her my eye bled 
again, or I need more laser.  I don't tell her cuz I blame her or I want to 
make her feel bad, and in fact, hardly ever tell her anymore cuz she wails 
that SHE did something wrong...she wishes SHE could have this instead of 
me...that it is ALL her fault....moan moan moan...turning the situation away 
from my immediate problem into somethng that is all about HER...(another 
story)... Maybe it is just a mom thing to wish it was you instead of your 
child?  Don't those of you with children without diabetes make all kinds of 
pacts with god, the devil and everyone in between, to spare your child? 

Anyway, as wayne wrote the other day, they are closer to preventing diabetes 
in future generations than they are to curing it...I am happy, but jealous.  
You won't have to teach your newly diagnosed children to count carbs and 
threaten them with blindness anymore, and life will be a much more edible 
bowl of chocolate covered cherries.  Parents can concentrate on the evils of 
drugs, premarital sex and conservative right wing politics instead of 
diabetes, and what a joy I am sure that will be.

Now, as I bolus exactly 2.7 units for my 1/4 cup serving of ben and jerry's, 
I silently wish my mom and dad HAD spanked me for those ice cream bars I ate 
hiding in my room when I was 12.

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