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[IP] Diet (Humor) ... Long



Hi,

I found the following diet in a newsgroup.  I thought some of you would
enjoy it.

----------

    Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet.  The trouble
with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation
diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go
broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on
their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their
faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up
and tell your friends you have a gland problem?

    Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years
you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It
came to me one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps
their
diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray
technicians,and distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new
diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity.

    Before embarking on this diet, however, be  sure to check with
your doctor...otherwise, you might have to see him afterward.

    Good luck!

DAY ONE ---

Breakfast:

    One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2
bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1
bite
of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch:

    Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass
of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner:

    A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi.

Bedtime snack:

    Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO ---

Breakfast:

    Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half
bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch:

    Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina
Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack:

    Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt.
Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring
inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner:
    A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour grape kool-aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE ---

Breakfast:

    Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in
hair.  Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.
After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz,
and
put it on the cushion of your best chair.

  Lunch:

     Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several
bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner:

     Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.

FINAL DAY ---

Breakfast:

     A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive.
Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a half cup of sugar.
Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch:

    Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner:

    A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate.
Stick of mascara for dessert

-- 

	... Sue  :-)

		For a healthy heart ...
		Give your Faith a workout!


E-Mail - mailto:email @ redacted

"Sue's Plain Vanilla HomePage"
http://www.inconnect.com/~sue/

-- 

	... Sue  :-)

		For a healthy heart ...
		Give your Faith a workout!


E-Mail - mailto:email @ redacted

"Sue's Plain Vanilla HomePage"
http://www.inconnect.com/~sue/
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