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Re: [IP] Sending son to dad's for court ordered visitation
Thanks so much for your advice. I am printing this out to use as reference
when I talk to my attorney.
----- Original Message -----
From: <email @ redacted>
To: <email @ redacted>
Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2002 8:53 PM
Subject: Re: [IP] Sending son to dad's for court ordered visitation
> In a message dated 1/17/2002 5:38:53 PM Mountain Standard Time,
> email @ redacted writes:
> > My ex and I are currently in a bitter custody battle over my son, and
> > trying to change the current 3 month stay to a one month visit here in
> Some modifications to the visitation seems resonable to me, especially
> your son's age and the fact that he's just getting started on the pump.
> either way, I firmly believe that a requirement for your EX (and anyone
> there who will be responsible for your son's care) to complete training
> demonstrate proficiency in basic diabetes care and pump management should
> an absolute requirement for any visit longer than an hour or two. In my
> case, my EX had the same training that I and my husband had at diagnosis
> at pump start.
> This is something you need your lawyer to deal with and s/he will need to
> a medical expert (i.e. your son's doctor) to explain to the court why this
> a necessity -- the court and your ex need to understand that a severe low
> a high that goes undetected) can happen very easily if you don't know what
> you're doing and the result can mean a dead child.
> Most people (even judges) think they know about diabetes because they know
> older type 2, so it's essential that your attorney make it very clear that
> this is not your Granny's diabetes and too much or too little insulin
> coma, brain damaged, or DEAD. It's also important to communicate how
> challenging it is to manage diabetes because it's not an exact science
> you just plug data into a formula and come up with an answer on what's to
> done. As they told us at dx, there are something like 100 known factors
> which affect blood glucose levels and we have some control over only three
> (carb intake, exercise, and insulin dosage). So your lawyer need to be
> to communicate the fact that things like mandatory training, or log
> or consults with your sons' endo are not just part game to you cooked up
> hassle your ex, but are essential for protecting his son's health and life
> and are nothing more than what his mother has already had to do.
> > At this point we can't
> > even talk without having an argument and I am scared to rely 100% on
> > know when to change his basals, or what to do about a bad site, or how
> > count carbs at a restaurant.....
> At 8, I'd say your son is clearly too young to be 100% RESPONSIBLE for
> managing his diabetes and his pump, even if he'll probably be able to DO
> of the tasks himself. And, even if your EX is reasonably intelligent and
> goes through the appropriate training, he's still going to be new to the
> realities of being responsible for his son's health and care 24/7. One
> that might be good to get the court to set up is a requirement for him
> EX) to keep a detailed log (there are examples on the IP site, and I
> personally like the pump logs that Disetronic gives out) and fax it to
> son's endo or CDE at certain points (say weekly for the first two weeks,
> every two weeks for a month, then monthly).
> Then either the CDE or endo (someone who knows your son - not just some
> trainer that lives near your ex) could call your EX and do a telephone
> consult to discuss how things are going and review any adjustments that
> need to be made and any help him with any questions that he may have.
> is a pretty typical thing (at least it was for us) at a new dx or for a
> pumper and creates a non-threatening way for your EX to get info and help
> without the two of you having to deal with each other. If your EX is
> to be responsible for caring for his son for an extended period of time it
> only seems resonable that he carry out all the responsiblities that all us
> parents of kids with diabetes shoulder . . .
> > I'm trying not to make myself sick over it.
> > I'm going to ask the pump trainer if she can recommend a pump trainer
> > just in case the visitation doesn't get changed before he has to go to
> > dad's for the summer. But even then, I'm going to have a hard time,
> > afraid.
> > Does your ex know how to care for your daughter while she's there? Did
> > worry when you first sent her?
> You will worry no matter what. It's been 14 months since my daughter was
> diagnosed and a little over 7 months since she's been pumping. She's in
> good control and has very few lows (and they're mild). My Ex, other than
> checking during the night as often as I would like have done, does a good
> of caring for her. And my daughter really does know how to do everything
> regarding her diabetes care from treating a low, trouble shooting a high,
> inserting a site and calculating a bolus -- but I still worry. I'm a
> I worry. It's in my job description.
> One thing that I do to help minimize that is to do everything I can to
> that my ex has everything he could possibly need in terms of information
> supplies. Sometimes, it pisses me off that I do all this leg work to keep
> track of inventory and re-order stuff and do the training at school, and
> up on the latest reasearch, and etc. etc. etc. but I figure I do what I
> do . . .
> SO, he has written checklists that any idiot could follow on what to do
> low (mild, moderate, severe), how to trouble shoot a high( under 250, over
> 250 but less than 400, more than 400), we have charts so that all he has
> do is add up the carbs and it tells what the bolus should be, or if she's
> high, there's a chart where you look up her BG and next to it is what the
> corrective bolus amount. I bought him carb books (www.calorieking.com),
> "Pumping Insulin" and the new video on treating hypos . . . If I think it
> might help, he's got it because (as I have to remind myself) I'm not doing
> this for him - I'm doing it for my daughter!
> I wish you the best in making sure that your son stays safe and healthy!
> Pumpmama to Katie
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