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Re: [IP] Sending son to dad's for court ordered visitation
In a message dated 1/17/2002 5:38:53 PM Mountain Standard Time,
email @ redacted writes:
> My ex and I are currently in a bitter custody battle over my son, and I'm
> trying to change the current 3 month stay to a one month visit here in TX.
Some modifications to the visitation seems resonable to me, especially given
your son's age and the fact that he's just getting started on the pump. But
either way, I firmly believe that a requirement for your EX (and anyone else
there who will be responsible for your son's care) to complete training AND
demonstrate proficiency in basic diabetes care and pump management should be
an absolute requirement for any visit longer than an hour or two. In my
case, my EX had the same training that I and my husband had at diagnosis and
at pump start.
This is something you need your lawyer to deal with and s/he will need to get
a medical expert (i.e. your son's doctor) to explain to the court why this is
a necessity -- the court and your ex need to understand that a severe low (or
a high that goes undetected) can happen very easily if you don't know what
you're doing and the result can mean a dead child.
Most people (even judges) think they know about diabetes because they know an
older type 2, so it's essential that your attorney make it very clear that
this is not your Granny's diabetes and too much or too little insulin means
coma, brain damaged, or DEAD. It's also important to communicate how
challenging it is to manage diabetes because it's not an exact science where
you just plug data into a formula and come up with an answer on what's to be
done. As they told us at dx, there are something like 100 known factors
which affect blood glucose levels and we have some control over only three
(carb intake, exercise, and insulin dosage). So your lawyer need to be sure
to communicate the fact that things like mandatory training, or log keeping
or consults with your sons' endo are not just part game to you cooked up to
hassle your ex, but are essential for protecting his son's health and life
and are nothing more than what his mother has already had to do.
> At this point we can't
> even talk without having an argument and I am scared to rely 100% on Jake
> know when to change his basals, or what to do about a bad site, or how to
> count carbs at a restaurant.....
At 8, I'd say your son is clearly too young to be 100% RESPONSIBLE for
managing his diabetes and his pump, even if he'll probably be able to DO many
of the tasks himself. And, even if your EX is reasonably intelligent and
goes through the appropriate training, he's still going to be new to the
realities of being responsible for his son's health and care 24/7. One thing
that might be good to get the court to set up is a requirement for him (your
EX) to keep a detailed log (there are examples on the IP site, and I
personally like the pump logs that Disetronic gives out) and fax it to your
son's endo or CDE at certain points (say weekly for the first two weeks, then
every two weeks for a month, then monthly).
Then either the CDE or endo (someone who knows your son - not just some pump
trainer that lives near your ex) could call your EX and do a telephone
consult to discuss how things are going and review any adjustments that might
need to be made and any help him with any questions that he may have. This
is a pretty typical thing (at least it was for us) at a new dx or for a new
pumper and creates a non-threatening way for your EX to get info and help
without the two of you having to deal with each other. If your EX is going
to be responsible for caring for his son for an extended period of time it
only seems resonable that he carry out all the responsiblities that all us
parents of kids with diabetes shoulder . . .
> I'm trying not to make myself sick over it.
> I'm going to ask the pump trainer if she can recommend a pump trainer in IL
> just in case the visitation doesn't get changed before he has to go to his
> dad's for the summer. But even then, I'm going to have a hard time, I'm
> Does your ex know how to care for your daughter while she's there? Did you
> worry when you first sent her?
You will worry no matter what. It's been 14 months since my daughter was
diagnosed and a little over 7 months since she's been pumping. She's in very
good control and has very few lows (and they're mild). My Ex, other than not
checking during the night as often as I would like have done, does a good job
of caring for her. And my daughter really does know how to do everything
regarding her diabetes care from treating a low, trouble shooting a high, to
inserting a site and calculating a bolus -- but I still worry. I'm a mother.
I worry. It's in my job description.
One thing that I do to help minimize that is to do everything I can to ensure
that my ex has everything he could possibly need in terms of information and
supplies. Sometimes, it pisses me off that I do all this leg work to keep
track of inventory and re-order stuff and do the training at school, and read
up on the latest reasearch, and etc. etc. etc. but I figure I do what I can
do . . .
SO, he has written checklists that any idiot could follow on what to do for a
low (mild, moderate, severe), how to trouble shoot a high( under 250, over
250 but less than 400, more than 400), we have charts so that all he has to
do is add up the carbs and it tells what the bolus should be, or if she's
high, there's a chart where you look up her BG and next to it is what the
corrective bolus amount. I bought him carb books (www.calorieking.com), and
"Pumping Insulin" and the new video on treating hypos . . . If I think it
might help, he's got it because (as I have to remind myself) I'm not doing
this for him - I'm doing it for my daughter!
I wish you the best in making sure that your son stays safe and healthy!
Pumpmama to Katie
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