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[IP] Brian - was PLEASE READ, long

hi kids.  i am still alive...just 40 digests behind...Happy new year to 
everyone and welcome to all the new people but can you ALL PLEASE TURN OFF 
YOUR HTML and STOP reposting copies of the message yo are responding to.  If 
you don't know how to take them off, ASK AN ADMIN, please and thank you...so 
you see Sara is back and is as bitchy as ever!!!  and no, my bg is just fine, 
but thanks for asking.

anyway....on  Mon, 10 Jan 2000 Brian wrote:

> ** bare with me, I know it's long... **

heh heh...I think you mean "bear" with you...otherwise we will all be taking 
off our clothes to join you  in your "bareness."

> Every test, down by about .2-.4   In July, I got it down to 8.1
> nd began pumping in August.  I LOVE THE PUMP!  I check 
> regularly, at least 4-5 times/day.  However, when I get frustrating 
> A1C's, I sometimes slack off and stop recording and doing all 
> the basics...  

First of all, 8.1 is NOT anything to be embarassed about!   ESPECIALLY if 
that is coming down!!!  If you were over 10, like I was before my pump, then 
even a 9.4 is considered GREAT!!  or SHOULD be.  You have ONLY been pumping 5 
months - how many A1cs have you had since then?  you should get htem about 
once every 3 months, so how many frustating ones have there been since 
August?  Don't beat yourself up so hard!!!  The A1c is just a number - and it 
doesn't mean you are a BAD person if you come in at 8.1 when you were 
expecting 5.4!!    I have had my share of GREAT A1Cs that were marred by my 
knowledge that my at-the-time so-called regimen SUCKED and consisted mainly 
of over insulinating myself to cover for a high and then eating the 
refrigerator to make up for that.  

I understand about not logging and testing when I have bad numbers.  I will 
even test my bg with my alternate meter just so the high I KNOW i have won't 
screw up my regular meter average!!!  that doesn't make me a cheater, but why 
should one afternoon or night of unexplainable highs be allowed to make me 
feel bad?  

It sounds like you have been going through lots of changes...graduating, new 
job searches, change and loss of insurance...moving to a new state...all of 
these things are stressful...and that alone can cause you to have wacky 
sugars, so don't think you are doing anything wrong!

> my bg's are getting ridiculous and I find myself bolusing 
> so much I dread checking my bg.  

welll i KNOW you already know this, but you really ought NOT bolus unless you 
know what your bg is.  Ignorance does NOT make the highs and lows go away and 
bolusing blindly will put you on that uncontrollabel roller coaster!.

> I haven't seen a doctor since September 

call your local research hospital and find out if there are any studies you 
can get in on.  They provide meidcal care and supplies...even if it is not a 
diabetes related study!  you can still get your blood work and feet examined. 
 I even saw a retina specialist when i got involved with a kidney medicine 

> stretching out my supplies, but will have to buy 

I have some reservoirs and spare tubings and lancets, of course, if you want 
them...we have helped others on the list...let us know what youdesperately 
need and we can get it to you!!  can't we gang?!?  call disetronic, if you 
use a MNMD and ask for a sample of hte new set - you are "thinking" about 
using them in your pump...they will send you 3 or 4 to try out.  

> it just seems like all of you have such excellent A1C's
> ..  some of you even complain about A1C levels in the 6's 
. and 7's-- 

oh POOH!  you just don't hear from the poeple on the list who don't have good 
numbers.  I personally think people who complain about numbers in the 6s are 
nuts, but tha tis my personal opinion being a person who is quite happy with 
my a1cs in the 6.9 - 7.3 range that they are, and I do NOT try ot make my 
live more of a living hell by aiming lower!!!  Some people just naturally 
have lower a1cs...don't stress about not being a perfect 5.8!  do you compare 
yourself to everyone on other things in your life?  probably not, so stop 
doing it with your diabetes - you are you and what works for someone else 
will not ever work for you.  You have successfully brought your numbers down 
in the last fewmonths - be HAPPY about that and set a new goal  for yourself 
that is reasonable.  Instead of aiming for 6, why not aim for 7.9?

> What I seem to be learning from this list is how bad I really 
> am-which is probably the first step (again) to getting in better 

well yeah, if you want to look at it that way.  If the list can "shame" you 
into taking better control, then great - but Brian, some day you are going to 
have to find the reason inside of your own self to do things...You don't have 
to think about complications or anything that yucky - just focus on how much 
better you FEEL when you are in control....isn't it GREAT to be able to eat 
any thing you want and NOT feel like crap after?  Go for those minor 
victories and battles and the big a1c war will take care of itself!

> I'm learning just how bad my case of Diabetes really is

Diabetes is Diabetes is Diabetes....it is what it is.  There are no bad 
diabetics.  My diabetes is just as bad as yours and Amy's and Nicole 
Johnsons, and while my complications may not be as bad as some, and while 
some of these kiddies may not have ANY complications yet, their diabetes is 
ALL as bad as yours.  You just need to stop worrying about everyone else and 
make yourself the #1 focus.

> was patient and educated, now I feel lost and frustrated.

Use us....ask us questions, vent, complain and when you do get good results, 
let us know!!  we know EXACTLY how you feel - even those people with 5.7 
a1cs!!!    Find a live support group in your area - call the JDF or ADA and 
ask them and get some moral support - maybe even find about a study needing 

Don't beat yourself up...hang in there!


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