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Re: [IP] keeping your eye on the big .jpg file............

This answer has touch a cord in my life and I want to
say thank you.

I  feel i have been abandoned by my CDE  and by the
Minimed trainer left alone to throw darts (insulin) at
a big board blindly. I never know where I will end up.
   When I saw the night basals as black, they turned
out to be white...nothing I have tried appears to
I cannot  tell you  the anger and frustration Ifeel.

Your letter has helped me see this thru a different


--- email @ redacted wrote:
> Dear Myndi,
> Thank you for taking the time to write. I too have
> taken strength from the 
> pumpers website, if for no other reason than it
> allowed me to see that there 
> are THOUSANDS  of us out there, all in the same
> situation.  For so long I had 
> this empty feeling inside about diabetes.  I would
> go somewhere and nobody 
> would know me and about my condition and it was up
> to me to take care of 
> everything.  Compound that with going low and i was
> about the LAST person 
> capable of acting rationally.  I would be acting
> strangely and people would 
> look but not interfere and it would take me a long
> time to figure out where i 
> was and what was wrong.  Now, thanks to the website
> in large measure, I feel 
> like there are bunches of us with similar fears and
> concerns.  It reminds me 
> of a conversation I had with my CDE 15 months ago
> when I was being trained 
> for the pump.  She asked me "when do you feel the
> best in terms of BG?" my 
> reply was "I guess around 100 because I feel so
> normal....."  She replied 
> "you ARE normal, and never forget that."
> Anyway, when I was asking about a pump, of course I
> knew nothing about the 
> different manufacturers and such, but I was given
> three videos and written 
> materials from Minimed, Animus and Diesetronic  when
> I went through the 
> stuff, it looked to me as though Minimed had things
> going the best.  After 
> all, they had a former Miss America AND Scott
> Verplank (PGA golfer & Ryder 
> Cup team member) in their videotape, so the media
> blitz won me over, I guess. 
>  Also, the fact that my CDE used a Minimed was
> probably a factor.
> I have been pumping for 14 months now, and even
> though I still go low 
> (because I am too impatient waiting for the insulin
> to work), I don't go low 
> nearly as often as before.  When I was on shots, I
> didn't care what my BG's 
> were.  For a long time, there was no lancet device
> except for "the dagger," 
> that little thing you had to drive into your finger
> yourself and it hurt like 
> hell and I wouldn't test as a result.  Plus I had no
> incentive to care.  
> Later, there was that big study that showed that the
> chances of complications 
> went way down with good control, the lancet devices
> that worked came out and 
> didn't hurt nearly as much, plus I developed some
> retinopathy.  I am sure 
> that what drove me to try for better control was the
> retinopathy. There 
> simply was NO WAY I was going blind.  Sorry.  So I
> decided to get really 
> aggressive with the blood tests and medication, and
> I ended up nearly 
> alienating my family as a result with all the lows. 
> My 12 year old daughter 
> was afraid to be alone with me and I don't blame
> her.
> Thus the pump.
> Now, things are relatively peacefully, as you are
> experiencing.
> So, here we are, unknown to each other except for
> the link of a medical 
> condition the cause of which is unknown.  We are, in
> a sense, holding hands 
> between New Jersey and Illinois yet we have never
> seen each other's face.  i 
> like the tone of your words.  You seem to be a happy
> person.  I wish you the 
> best in your fight for control.  Unfortunately,
> there are no days off from 
> diabetes.
> There was a post from another guy named Tom recently
> who is in college and 
> who wrote that diabetes had "ruined his life."  I
> wrote him back privately to 
> implore him to reconsider his plight.  Here is what
> I wrote:
> Hi Tom,
> I read your post on the pumpers website and HAD to
> respond.........[You're 
> going to get ALOT of these, by the way].
> OK, type 1 is a pain in the ass but it hasn't
> "ruined my life."
> Sure, it's more difficult that life w/o the big D
> but come on, man, look at 
> the big picture.
> No. 1, there are effective treatments.  Before
> insulin, you just died, 
> sometimes within a matter of 2 or 3 days.
> The pumps aren't perfect, but they sure beat shots
> with their precise 
> control.  Yes, you have to test yourself.  I test
> around 8 times a day.  I 
> would rather not have to test, but I have faced my
> condition and decided that 
> I would rather know where I am and take care of
> myself than ignore it (as I 
> did for years) and have to face the devastating
> complications like blindness, 
> amputation and kidney failure.  I can tell you if I
> go blind, THEN I might 
> feel as you do and I might just check out of
> here..............
> For now, though, get a grip and deal,
> Tom....................
> I've had DM for 25 years and I'm not giving up.
> I write this meaning no personal offense to you.  I
> know personally how hard 
> it is.  Don't give in.
> Sincerely,
> Tom from NJ
> With that Myndi, so long from a fellow
> soulmate......................
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> HELP@insulin-pumpers.org
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