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[IP] keeping your eye on the big .jpg file............

Dear Myndi,

Thank you for taking the time to write. I too have taken strength from the 
pumpers website, if for no other reason than it allowed me to see that there 
are THOUSANDS  of us out there, all in the same situation.  For so long I had 
this empty feeling inside about diabetes.  I would go somewhere and nobody 
would know me and about my condition and it was up to me to take care of 
everything.  Compound that with going low and i was about the LAST person 
capable of acting rationally.  I would be acting strangely and people would 
look but not interfere and it would take me a long time to figure out where i 
was and what was wrong.  Now, thanks to the website in large measure, I feel 
like there are bunches of us with similar fears and concerns.  It reminds me 
of a conversation I had with my CDE 15 months ago when I was being trained 
for the pump.  She asked me "when do you feel the best in terms of BG?" my 
reply was "I guess around 100 because I feel so normal....."  She replied 
"you ARE normal, and never forget that."

Anyway, when I was asking about a pump, of course I knew nothing about the 
different manufacturers and such, but I was given three videos and written 
materials from Minimed, Animus and Diesetronic  when I went through the 
stuff, it looked to me as though Minimed had things going the best.  After 
all, they had a former Miss America AND Scott Verplank (PGA golfer & Ryder 
Cup team member) in their videotape, so the media blitz won me over, I guess. 
 Also, the fact that my CDE used a Minimed was probably a factor.

I have been pumping for 14 months now, and even though I still go low 
(because I am too impatient waiting for the insulin to work), I don't go low 
nearly as often as before.  When I was on shots, I didn't care what my BG's 
were.  For a long time, there was no lancet device except for "the dagger," 
that little thing you had to drive into your finger yourself and it hurt like 
hell and I wouldn't test as a result.  Plus I had no incentive to care.  
Later, there was that big study that showed that the chances of complications 
went way down with good control, the lancet devices that worked came out and 
didn't hurt nearly as much, plus I developed some retinopathy.  I am sure 
that what drove me to try for better control was the retinopathy. There 
simply was NO WAY I was going blind.  Sorry.  So I decided to get really 
aggressive with the blood tests and medication, and I ended up nearly 
alienating my family as a result with all the lows.  My 12 year old daughter 
was afraid to be alone with me and I don't blame her.

Thus the pump.

Now, things are relatively peacefully, as you are experiencing.

So, here we are, unknown to each other except for the link of a medical 
condition the cause of which is unknown.  We are, in a sense, holding hands 
between New Jersey and Illinois yet we have never seen each other's face.  i 
like the tone of your words.  You seem to be a happy person.  I wish you the 
best in your fight for control.  Unfortunately, there are no days off from 

There was a post from another guy named Tom recently who is in college and 
who wrote that diabetes had "ruined his life."  I wrote him back privately to 
implore him to reconsider his plight.  Here is what I wrote:

Hi Tom,

I read your post on the pumpers website and HAD to respond.........[You're 
going to get ALOT of these, by the way].

OK, type 1 is a pain in the ass but it hasn't "ruined my life."

Sure, it's more difficult that life w/o the big D but come on, man, look at 
the big picture.

No. 1, there are effective treatments.  Before insulin, you just died, 
sometimes within a matter of 2 or 3 days.

The pumps aren't perfect, but they sure beat shots with their precise 
control.  Yes, you have to test yourself.  I test around 8 times a day.  I 
would rather not have to test, but I have faced my condition and decided that 
I would rather know where I am and take care of myself than ignore it (as I 
did for years) and have to face the devastating complications like blindness, 
amputation and kidney failure.  I can tell you if I go blind, THEN I might 
feel as you do and I might just check out of here..............

For now, though, get a grip and deal, Tom....................

I've had DM for 25 years and I'm not giving up.

I write this meaning no personal offense to you.  I know personally how hard 
it is.  Don't give in.


Tom from NJ

With that Myndi, so long from a fellow soulmate......................
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