[Previous Months][Date Index][Thread Index][Join - Register][Login]
[Message Prev][Message Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]

RE: [IP] bad days with the d

It's comforting to know that there are other people out there who also
struggle with this.  I've had diabetes for 3 years, and for the past two
I've been pigging out and letting my b.s run high to get rid of the
calories.  This is more than an occasional thing for me, and although I know
it's dangerous and stupid, I can't seem to stop.  I get so frustrated
because I've gained 15 pounds since my pre-diabetic days, and no matter what
I do, I can't lose any weight.  When I try to exercise, I have hypos because
of the Ultralente I'm now using, and I end up eating more to cover it.  I
eat things I shouldn't when I feel angry - it's kind of like saying a big
#$%@ - you to diabetes.

I started seeing a new Endo (who is also Type 1, which helps me respect his
advice a bit more).  I've already been through 2 others who I thought were
incredibly patronizing, and only made me feel more angry.  This new one is
pushing me to consider the pump.  I was resistant at first, but after
reading all these messages I've changed my mind.  I'm hoping that with the
pump I'll have more "up to the minute" control, and can adjust for exercise,
so I can lose my excess weight and feel better about myself.

I hate this disease with a venegence that sometimes frightens me, but I want
so much to get it under control so it becomes a smaller thing in my life.
It's one thing to have bad test results when I know I've been misbehaving,
but it's makes me so mad when I make a real effort to control it and I still
can't.  In the past 2 years, I haven't had more than 2-3 days in a row where
I've been able to keep my b.s. from going over 300.  Then I get angry and
frustrated and go back to my old behavior.

For the first time, I'm starting to feel like there is hope...
Thanks for listening,
Age 33,  Type 1 for 3 years.

-----Original Message-----
From:	email @ redacted [mailto:email @ redacted] On Behalf Of
Ruth Elowitz
Sent:	Sunday, January 31, 1999 9:17 PM
To:	email @ redacted
Subject:	Re: [IP] bad days with the d

Hang in there!  Maybe you can start again in the morning and set some small
goals!  Dorm food was never easy to avoid pigging out on -- funny, since it
really pretty awful -- isn't it?

Laura Kiernan wrote:

> today was just one of those days that you want to wipe out of your history
> ... it started great, went to my morning aikido class, had nice 93 bs
> afterwards, ate nice yummy special k and soy milk for breakfast, was 83
> lunch. then for some reason just felt down and out, a little bummed,
> homesick or something. so used that as an excuse to eat two of the evil
> dining hall brownies. then got angry at myself, instead of just looking up
> the carbo amount and giving myself a killer huge bolus to cover did the oh
> so stupid and oh so dangerous practice of letting the sugars run high so
> you end up urinating out all the calories ... then after class went back
> my dorm room only to find out that i was rejected from a job  i really
> really wanted at this restaurant and then remembered i have a huge spanish
> test tomorrow ... cut class and went for a walk to make myself feel
> but already on the shame spiral, bought a peanut butter brownie bar ...
> didn't even check the sugar, didn't bolus ... an hour or two later came to
> my senses and checked, a nasty 345. felt full of guilt and angry at
> sometimes hate this disease so much, but at this point it's not even the
> disease, just hate how i blame it for everything that goes wrong and try
> eat lots of sugar to get revenge at it or something. thought i was through
> with this phase ... i so want to be.
> down to 200 now, feeling better. there's always tomorrow (when i probably
> won't have any vision or kidney functioning ... no, i can't say that,
> have that defeatist attitude)
> thanks for letting me vent, sometimes i just need support from people who
> get it ...
> -laura
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/

Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/

Insulin-Pumpers website http://www.insulin-pumpers.org/