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[IP] Help!!! I think I'm going crazy

I could really use the help of post-menopausal T1 female pumpers.  I believe
I am perimenopausal (altho my endo says he doesn't think so - hah!), and am
having an absolutely terrible time with it.  I have always suffered PMS,
with elevated bs's in the week or so before my period.  As time has passed,
my cycles have shortened in duration, until now they are just two days long
(this is not a problem!!!).  I am having trouble with insomnia, just
recently experienced night sweats, but worst of all I feel like I'm going
stark, raving mad!  Twice in the last 4 months I have become so depressed
that I haven't felt like going on, and my thoughts have been so dark that I
have felt like everyone would be better off if I wasn't around anymore. It's
incredibly stressful, which tends to elevate my bs even higher and causes
the "chasing" game to begin. From the little research I have done, I have
discovered that female diabetics seem to age faster than the general female
population and that earlier menopause (up to a decade earlier) is not
unusual.  Is there anyone out there who can encourage me that this too shall
pass, and that I'll come out okay on the other side?  What can I anticipate
as I go through the actual change of life?  I'm not handling this stuff too
well, and feel the worst about what I'm putting my family through.  This is
the first time I've really put myself out there in this forum, but from
everything I've seen in the digests I believe this is a "safe" place for me
to do so.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Feel free to respond to
me privately, since I receive the digest and it sometimes takes me a while
to get through them all.

I am 43 years old, and have been pumping for 18 years (my pump anniversary
was Sunday); I was diagnosed at age 11. I  recently upgraded to the MM508
(it is my 5th pump - I think).  Going on the pump gave me the freedom to
have a child (I was one of those who was told to never have kids 'cause it
would be too risky), and I have minimal complications:  some retinopathy,
successfully treated with laser while I was pregnant; and my microalbumin
was slightly elevated at my last med visit, for which I was prescribed an
ACE inhibitor.  My worst problem is the hypo unawareness that has hit in the
last year.  I will never, ever go back on MDI!!!

Kathy Fagan
Dx 10/69, Pumping since 12/82
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